Don't let them get you!
by SpecialAgentLeonie
Summary: (4th story in the Discovery-Universe) Dreams aren't bad. They are there to try and help you process something that happened in your life. Nightmares do the same only, but because we find experiences in them are scary or something like that, we don't like them. We all have them sometimes. But they become a problem when there are side-effects while you're awake. (pre-slash/Tibbs)
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello people!**_

 _ **#1: This will be a new fic in a series of fics. It's the fourth one and you have to know that there is a bottom line that goes through them all. So you are free to read this fanfic, and you can still understand the general things, though to be able to understand some little details and/or the Tony/Gibbs relationship as it is now, you should read the previous stories. You can read on my profile which ones they are.**_

 _ **#2: To all of the readers that are following me for a longer time now, HI! :D Welcome back! Yes, I know that there are other fics that need to be written and I can tell you that I will upload a new chapter for my story ''Too Deep'' soon! Thanks for hanging on to me! I really do appriacte it, I love you!**_

 _ **#3: Well then, I know it's nearly Christmas, but this isn't a Christmas fic. The last one before this is a Christmas fanfic, so yeah (reminder how long it's been for this universe!)  
I've started so many 2-shots for this universe, but it's really difficult to choose in which order it's best to upload them. I chose this one... Hope you like it!  
**_

 _ **#4: Sorry for any typo's. I know, most of you already know, I am Dutch and I have Dyslectia, but still, for those don't! Well there! xD**_

 _ **Okay, Enough talk! Enjoy your reading!**_

* * *

 _He ran. As hard as he could, he ran. His throat hurt from it. His breaths coming in wheezes, but he didn't stop. He couldn't stop. If he did, they would catch him and that would be more awful than the searing pain in his chest. That full blown kick to it, clearly did something to one of his ribs._

 _How he had escaped in the first place was a wonder itself. Then again, he may be small, but he knew where to hit. He always knew that someday the movies he watched were good for something._

 _A turn to the left only brought him into another long hallway, with too many doors. One by one he tried them, his heart beating in his throat, not only because of the pain, but also because of the adrenaline that worked over time in his too small and too thin body._

 _One door. Two doors. Three doors. Argh! Four— A click and the door opened. How did that happen? It normally didn't do that. Without hesitating or over thinking, he stepped into the dorm. It just looked like his own. Two beds. One on each side. A double closet, a desk with a lamp. He silently closed the door and looked if the door had a lock. It did, so he turned it. He turned and leaned against the door. He closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. This couldn't be happening. This had to be a nightmare._

 _This was so not how he wanted or how he was supposed to spend his winter break. How had he gotten in this situation? He knew staying here over the breaks would cause trouble._

 _The sound of running footsteps, made his eyes snap open. They came closer. So close. They were in the same hallway. But than they stopped. He heard the doors being rattled from the others side of the wall. And also the door he was leaning against. His instinct made him press his back harder against the door, even though the door was locked already. They couldn't get in. that wasn't possible._

 _The rattling stopped suddenly and he sighed silently in relieve. But he didn't hear footsteps walking away. He didn't hear anything. It was silent, and that was the scariest thing about this whole experience. Something caught his eyes and he looked down. The light from the hallway was shining into the room, from underneath door. His heart leaped in his throat again. Oh God, oh God! That couldn't be._

 _A shadow... A silhouette from the person came from under the door. Under his feet. The other person was still there, standing on the other side of the door._

 _His eyes widened with what he saw next. The shadow became bigger and bigger, until it was no longer on the ground, but right in front of him. And it was no longer a shadow. It was a person, a man, but he could only see the man's eyes. Eyes that were so cold, that it created a shiver go down his spine._

 _His instinct took over and he turned around to ran out of the room. But he panicked. The lock on the door was gone. Scratch that, the door was gone. He opened his mouth to scream, for someone, anyone, even though he knew they weren't there. But it didn't matter, because before any sound came out, a hand grabbed him from behind. Covering his mouth, and the other arm around his waist. Pulling at him. Dragging him further into the room._

 _He still tried to scream, but then everything went black._

 **…**

Tony's eyes snapped open, gasped and he sat straight up. He was breathing fast as he looked around himself. Bed room. His bed room. Not the one in his... dream. Just a dream. Okay, _okay_! Nightmare. He calmed down a little. ''Shit'' He mumbled. ''Again?''

He had been having the same dre— nightmare for the past two weeks, a couple of nights a week. It was always the same, the hallways, the footfalls, the shadow from underneath the door. The eyes. Tony shuddered.

He ran a hand over his face and noticed it was wet. He was sweating. He was soaked in it. He was shivering slightly though, so it was definitely not because he was warm.

He jumped as his cellphone went off. He grabbed it and noticed he already had a missed call. '' _Shit_ '' He thought. How could he miss the call? Had he been so deep asleep, that he didn't hear it? Sighing he picked it up. ''Hey boss'' His voice was hoarse. From sleep or from the familiar soar throat he didn't know.

'' _DiNozzo, I'll pick you up. We got a case_ '' Gibbs' voice was in a growl, but it hadn't his usual edge to it. Tony looked at his alarm, *3:47*. Was Gibbs awake still or again? He couldn't tell, but he didn't sound sleepy.

''Right. Case. C-can I shower first?'' Tony asked somewhat confused.

'' _I'm there in 20 minutes. Be ready to go_ ''

''Su—'' Tony voice cracked and he didn't know why. He cleared his throat. ''Sure thing boss'' He expected to hear the familiar sound of Gibbs shutting his phone loudly, but he didn't. He waited a second. ''Boss?''

'' _You okay_?'' Gibbs asked, the tone of unusual concern in his voice.

Tony eyes widened. What? Gibbs was worried about him? Why would he be? He just woke up, was there something he didn't know? He just had a dream... '' _And one hell of a headache_ '' He thought to himself.

'' _DiNozzo_ ''

''Fine, Boss. Just startled when you woke me up'' Tony replied. ''So see you in 18 minutes, boss''

There was a pause. '' _Okay, DiNozzo. See you then_ '' Then there was finally that click.

Gibbs just hung up, _politely_. That didn't happen, ever. He wondered what had gotten Gibbs in such a state. Distracted with that question in mind, he stood up and went bathroom to get ready for the too early morning.

 **…**

The headache didn't go away with the five minute shower, nor did the weird feeling that something was going to happen today, but the sweat did and Tony clothed himself in one of his expensive suits.

Gibbs hadn't told them where they were going and Tony assumed that Gibbs was going to tell them all at once, in the car. Gibbs didn't usually pick them up, so that either meant that the scene was nearby or it was out of their normal district. Tony didn't care much it resulted the same thing. Tony groaned at the thought. Great, his head was throbbing and he had to sit in a car with Gibbs driving, Ziva complaining about Gibbs driving, even though hers is even worse and McGee, either throwing up or talking about his Geek learning years to afraid to complain about Gibbs driving.

With a sigh he sat down outside his apartment building, on a low stone wall. His butt was freezing from the cold winter air, as it was January. But, he didn't want to risk, Gibbs telling Kate— _Ziva_ or McGee to get him instead and them seeing his apartment. It would raise a lot of questions, he really didn't want to answer to them. His loft was his private thing. Even Abby didn't know which floor he lived on. He sighed again and rubbed his forehead. Damned headache.

Tony looked up at the sound of a car speeding his way and knew it was Gibbs before the car actually had rounded the corner and turned into his street.

Gibbs hit the breaks hard and the tires made the high pitched sound over the concrete. Tony winched as the sound ringed in his ears and decided to echo in them. He let out a low breath and walked towards the car. Doing so, the window rolled down and Gibbs' eyed him with suspicion.

''Rough night?'' Ziva asked, amused, seeing dark circles under Tony's eyes and his lack of enthusiasm, even if it was just 4:15 am. It happened more often lately and Tony had always some kind of inappropriate story to tell about his latest conquest coming with it. Which, truthfully was just that, a story. But the others didn't need to know that.

''Yeah'' Tony only said, avoiding Gibbs' eyes, from who he knew, didn't believe him. Not that it wasn't rough, but not the kind of rough, Ziva meant. He opened the backseat door and sat in, slamming the door shut, Gibbs drove off to get McGee.

He glanced into his rear view mirror a couple of times, seeing Tony plastered with his head and cheek against the window. He looked asleep, but Gibbs knew he wasn't. He did look relieved by the coldness of the window and Gibbs knew why that was. '' _Headache_ '' Gibbs thought. He shook his head, reached between the front seats into the storage compartment and pulled out a box. He briefly looked down to see what he was doing, before looking back. He opened the box and with his fingers, he managed to push out two aspirins. He then reached into the storage compartment again and pulled out a bottle of water.

''DiNozzo'' He said calmly, looking into his rear view mirror as he held out the water and the two tablets.

Tony looked up and then down, looking at Gibbs' hand for a moment. Gibbs gestured with his hand, and Tony grabbed them. ''Thanks, boss''

Gibbs returned his hand back on the steering wheel and his eyes on the road. He was going to keep an eye on the man for today. Tony had to be focused and well enough working the case, otherwise he would have the painful task of sending Tony home. And that was something, he didn't want to do to Tony.

 **…**

Even when he was behind the camera, the flashing of the light hurt his eyes. He didn't let it show though, just kept clicking. Ziva was talking to the neighbors who had woken up, either by the gun shots or by the commotion. Tony held his tongue, knowing that the Mossad Assassin wasn't skilled in interrogating and this was actually the first time that Gibbs let her do it on her own, stating that she had to learn it one way or another.

Gibbs was walking around their male victim, talking to Ducky and his stuttering Autopsy gremlin, while McGee was looking up their victim on his Geek device. It was like Tony was working on auto-pilot, not really paying attention, but when Ducky would hold out a hand with signs of struggle, Tony would make photo's of it.

Gibbs kept glancing at him, Tony knew the feeling of Gibbs eyes all to well. But he couldn't stop the involuntary cracking of his neck, while he shook his head, to get out the one thing that was unnerving him.

The laughter of his peers. And not the kind that he did all the time, the laughing of his peers _having_ fun. It was laughing of kids or teens _making_ fun. How Tony knew the difference he didn't know.

''DiNozzo'' Gibbs sighed, while Ducky raised an eyebrow, when the younger agent didn't respond. ''DiNozzo'' Gibbs tried again. But again no reaction. ''Tony!''

The camera disappeared from in front of his face and Tony blinked. ''Yes, boss?''

''I think you got enough photo's'' Gibbs said casually, yet Tony could see the thoughtful look in his eyes.

''Uh...'' Tony frowned. Looking down at the camera, he saw that he had been snapping the same photo for at least a minute, over and over again. ''Right, boss. Sorry, Si-boss'' He stammered.'' _Was he going to say Sir?_ ''

Gibbs raised an mental eyebrow at the slip, but didn't let it appear in his expression.

However, Ducky did speak his concerns. ''Are you alright, Anthony?''

Both gray man frowned as Tony flinched out of nowhere. ''Yes, I'm fine. Rough night, S'all'' He mumbled, when he had recovered. When neither men looked away, Tony grew uncomfortable and he blurted, ''What?''

''You tell me'' Gibbs replied.

Tony sighed and rubbed his forehead. ''I woke up with a headache and I don't think I slept very well. It's nothing to worry about it will go away''

''I gave you the aspirin an hour ago, DiNozzo''

''I know. It just... comes sometimes. Like I said, it will go away. It always does'' Tony told them.

''Is something else bothering you, my boy?'' Ducky said already stepping closer and reaching out his hand to feel Tony's forehead. ''A cold, temperature, anything?''

This time, Tony rolled his eyes and stepped away. ''No, Duck. I am _fine_ '' He said firmly. ''Look, I have to get back to work, you know, before the boss starts to comment on how my work isn't done'' Before the two older men could say anything, he turned and walked out of the living room where they had found their victim.

Ducky and Gibbs looked after him. ''He's not fine''

''I know''

''You do keep an eye on him, do you, Jethro?''

''Like a hawk, boss''

Ducky smirked and went back to their victim, as his assistant came back with the stretcher.

 **…**

As the morning progressed, so did Tony's head ache... Only to get bigger and bigger. And while normally his memory of his nightmares would slowly slip away and be forgotten about during the morning, this time it clung onto the forefront of his mind. Being there in his thoughts every moment it could.

His eyes were on the screen of the computer, trying to read for anything odd in the phone records, since McGee was downstairs helping Abby. But they didn't take anything in.

 _Looking left and then right, trying to decide which way to go, as the footfalls became louder behind him._

''Ziva, Sit Rep!'' Gibbs demanded as he walked into the bullpen, cup of coffee in one hand, another one in his other.

Tony didn't even notice as Gibbs placed the other cup on his desk, nor did he notice, Ziva standing up with the clicker and starting to tell what she had found.

Ziva's voice sounded like it was in the background, somewhere far away...

''What about you, DiNozzo?'' Gibbs asked turning to him.

 _He tried many doors, before finally one opened and..._

''DiNozzo!'' Gibbs snapped.

Ziva frowned as Tony still didn't answer. His eyes were glazed over, seemingly staring through the computer screen, instead of at it.

''Tony?'' She also said. But again no answer.

 _Panting, he stood with his back against the door, trying to listen to the sounds on the other side of the wall. A movement caught his eye... the shadow that come from underneath the door, grew bigger and suddenly there was someone standing right in front of—_

''Tony!'' Gibbs said while looming over his SFA desk.

Tony yelped, as a shadow came over his desk and he pushed himself backwards with his chair. The harsh movement caused his chair to lose it's balance and Tony fell onto the floor with a loud crash.

''Ow!'' Tony groaned.

''What the hell, DiNozzo?'' Gibbs asked, but the tone had changed to slight concern for his agent.

Tony scrambled to stand up, nearly tripping over his chair again, as he did so. ''Sorry, Sir— Gibbs. I didn't hear you. I- It won't happen again. Do you need to know what I have, because I have enough. Really! Just give me a sec—''

''Are you alright, Tony?'' Ziva asked, cutting him off. Looking him over to see if he was hurt in some way.

''I'm fine'' Tony said on auto-pilot.

''Yeah, you said that this morning'' Gibbs slowly said. ''However, I don't believe you''

''What? Why not?''

''Because you're not acting like yourself''

''Not like myself?'' Tony frowned, confused. ''What do you mean? I don't act any different from normal''

''Is your headache gone?'' Gibbs raised an single eyebrow at him.

''Yes'' Tony said _too_ quickly.

Gibbs nodded, knowing it was a lie. ''That's it. Go to Ducky. Let him check you over''

''Why?'' It came out a whine.

''Because I say so!'' Gibbs glared, giving him the look that told Tony not to disobey.

Still Tony protested. ''Gibbs, seriously! I am fine!''

''No. You. Are. Not! Now move your butt before I kick it down!'' Gibbs snapped harshly.

Tony flinched and automatically took a step back. Gibbs noticed and deflated, as his gut crunched at him. Did Tony have those circles under his eyes all morning?

''Yes, sir'' Tony said softly and walked towards the elevator.

After a couple of moments Gibbs was snapped into action and tried to go after him. ''Tony'' He began, but he was too late, as the doors already closed. He stared at the reflection of himself, trying to understand what just happened.

* * *

 _ **This particular fanfic has been in my documents for quite some time now, and as my muse likes to be spontanious it chose this one!** **This fic maybe will be a little longer then a 2-shot. I have a feeling, that will be the case.**_

 _ **What do you think of this chapter? What do you think is going on and will happen next? Tell me, I really would like to know your thoughts.**_

 _ **Update soon!**_

 _ **Leonie**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hey guys!**_

 ** _I feel like I keep repeating myself by apologizing for taking so long to upload... for any of my stories. But every time I think it's about to get better for me personally or timing or whatever, something happens that interferes with that!_**

 ** _The latest thing? Well let's just say that I have a boundary and it was broken... again. Sorry if it feels like I only make excuses and keep repeating them, but well. Sorry!_**

 ** _Anyway, for better news, Here's the new chapter to this story! I hope you like the way it's going, even though you will not get many answers ;)_**

 ** _Enjoy!_**

* * *

Doctor Donald Mallard looked up from writing down his findings, as he heard the 'swish' of his lab doors open. He was surprised to see Tony coming in, instead of Gibbs, who always had perfect timing.

''Anthony, my boy!'' He greeted. ''To what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?''

''Hey Ducky'' Tony smiled weakly at the older man. ''Gibbs send me''

''Oh! Is he out in the field?'' Ducky asked, assuming a little bit.

''No. He didn't send me for your results persè...'' Tony trailed off. He really didn't want the physical exam. ''Although, I can give him the information also'' He added.

''Hmm'' Ducky hummed, looking at Tony knowingly. ''You can sit on that table there. I'll be right back and begin your examination''

Tony groaned. ''I am fine!''

''I am well aware of what you think, Anthony. Now sit there and let a professional say if you are or aren't... _fine_ '' Ducky said sternly.

Tony reluctantly walked over to the table and sat down on it. He watched as Ducky went to his desk in the corner of the lab and opened a couple of drawers to get his stuff out. Tony shifted uncomfortably on the cold surface. He didn't like being examined. Not by strangers in the hospital, but also not by Ducky.

Don't get that one wrong, Tony really liked Ducky. He was one of the few people he could really call a friend; Family almost. But the man seemed to have the ability to see right through him. Like he was a open book. And that Tony didn't like at all. People knowing what you really meant or how you feel, made you vulnerable. Weak even.

He was glad that he knew for sure, that Ducky didn't know about his biggest secrets. About his sexual orientation or him being a musician in a music cafe or something other then that.

''Alright Anthony''

Tony looked up, to see Ducky right in front of him. His thoughts had drifted off for a second there.

''What seems to be the problem, my boy?''

Tony lifted his arm and rubbed his had over the back of his neck. ''There isn't really a problem, Duck. I just had a headache and tired, that's all. I didn't sleep well last night for some reason, I don't even know and—''

''Anthony''

Tony flinched at his full name and immediately regretted it, when he saw the slight confused impression on Ducky's face.

''If you do not want to talk about the reasons I do respect that. I just want to advise you that you should'' Ducky said firmly.

Tony sighed and nodded slowly. ''I know'' He said. ''Can we get this over with?''

''Certainly, my boy''

And Ducky did his tests. He checked for a fever and his throat. He checked Tony's reflexes. He checked blood pressure. He checked his eyes. He didn't say anything while he did all this. Only commanded Tony what to do. The noises and expressions that Ducky made, made Tony slightly unnerved. He couldn't read what the older man was thinking. The roles were reversed and Tony, again, hated that.

Eventually, Duck stepped back and he let Tony put on his clothes again. ''Well'' He said, while hung the stethoscope around his neck. ''How long has your sleepless nights been going on?''

''I did not _not_ sleep, Ducky. Just not enough''

''Tony you're eyes are bloodshot, your heart rate is too high, just barely low enough to keep you from going to the hospital! Your body is working overload with no energy left. I am surprised you are still standing... or even sitting!''

''But I'm not tired!'' Tony whined. It was true though, he didn't feel tired at all at the moment.

''And that is one of the problems'' Ducky retorted. ''You don't even know it! Your body is ready to shut down, but you have somehow managed to stop your brain from doing so! This is very dangerous, Anthony. How long have you not slept?''

Tony blanched as he let the information sink in. ''I-I don't know... I sleep really! Small hours, but I do''

''Tony'' Ducky sighed. ''I'm sorry to say this... but I have to send you home''

''What?''

''I'm forced to send you home'' Ducky repeated. ''As your doctor I cannot let you work any longer. Your eye reaction alone, lets me make that decision. They do not or rather cannot focus. I'm afraid to think how you will react in the field. A chase or something other like that'' Ducky said. ''You _need_ to sleep''

''You're sending me home?'' Tony asked in disbelieve, as if he hadn't heard the rest at all. ''You can't do that!''

''I most certainly can and I am!'' Ducky said more firmly, letting Tony know it wasn't a suggestion. ''You cannot work. You can crash at any moment of the day''

''But I'm fine!'' Tony still protested. ''You can't force me to go home!'' He said almost angrily. He pushed off the table to go out of the lab. ''And I tell you not to discus this with anyone, more importantly, not with the director or Gib—'' He cut himself off, as his vision went blurry. And he wobbled, but before he could fall a hand had caught his arm and kept him upright.

''I believe your body is starting to understand, my boy'' Ducky said, in a concerned tone.

''I don't want Gibbs to come and give me a lecture''

Ducky sighed. ''You need to get home. Mr. Palmer!'' He called out. A moment later the door to the office opened and the assistant came out.

''D-doctor?'' Jimmy stuttered, looking from Ducky to Tony and back again.

''Would you do me a favor?''

''Of course, Dr. Mallard. Just say it''

''Would you be so kind to take, Anthony here, to his home? He is sick and in no state to work or drive himself home''

''M-me, Doctor?'' Jimmy looked at the doctor eyes wide.

''Yes you'' Ducky rolled his eyes. ''Do not take me for a fool, Mr. Palmer. I know that you and Anthony have been friends since a couple of weeks after you came here''

''You do?'' This time it was Tony.

''Yes. Although I do not quite understand the secrecy behind it'' Ducky admitted.

Jimmy and Tony looked at each other. ''It's complicated'' They said at once.

''Things are only complicated, when you let them'' Ducky said, but did not comment on it any further. ''Now, Mr. Palmer, get him home and to bed. He is to rest. A lot''

''Yes, Dr. Mallard'' Jimmy walked over to Tony. ''Need any help?''

''Thanks, but I think I can manage, Jimmy''

''Okay. Do you need anything else?''

''Shit'' Tony cursed. ''My stuff is still upstairs. I'm not going home without my bag''

''I can get it'' Jimmy said hurriedly, already walking towards the doors.

''Jimmy really I'm fine!'' Tony snapped.

Jimmy turned around, almost stumped his foot. ''No you're not!'' Tony looked at his friend, started. ''You haven't been _fine_ for weeks, Tony. And you know it''

''Mr. Palmer, I don't think arguing with Anthony is what it needs right now''

Tony's eyes jerked in his direction. ''Will you stop calling me that?'' He snapped at his doctor. ''My name is Tony, not _Anthony_ ''

''Tony'' Jimmy said, placing a hand on his friend shoulder.

But Tony jerked away, his eyes wide. He stumbled again and he got hold of the lab table. ''Just... Just let me get my stuff'' He said, taking a deep breath. ''I'll meet you in the garage in a few minutes, Jimmy'' As soon as he felt that he could, he walked out of the lab.

Jimmy and Ducky looked after him.

''Is there something I need to know, Mr. Palmer?'' Ducky asked, as soon as the doors closed.

''I wish I could tell you, Doctor. But I have no clue what's going on with him'' Jimmy replied.

 **…**

The doors opened and Tony walked out of the elevator and towards the bullpen. He had paused the elevator halfway up, to collect himself and it hadn't helped mentally, but it did help putting the mask back into place. For as long as it could. Tony felt it wouldn't be in place long, so he was determined to just grab his stuff and glare at them. He walked into the bullpen and was almost relieved that Ziva and McGee weren't there. Normally he would ask where they were, but he couldn't care right now.

Gibbs looked up as soon as he heard the elevator *Ding* and he saw Tony coming into the bullpen. He Watched as Tony just walked straight to his desk and began putting stuff away and in his backpack. He narrowed his eyes.

''DiNozzo, where are you going?''

Tony turned and glared at him. ''Home. Apparently I am _not_ fine, even though nothing's wrong, and I've been send home''

''Ducky doesn't just send someone home for no reason'' Gibbs replied. ''Clearly he thinks something is wrong''

Tony scolded at that. ''Whatever''

Gibbs stood from his chair and came from behind his desk. ''Why are you angry?'' He asked while he walked over to his agent's desk.

''I'm not'' Tony denied, even though he knew it was obvious that he was.

''What did Ducky say?''

''That I am tired and need to sleep'' Tony stated.

''And the headache?''

''Due of sleeplessness''

''Are you even allowed to drive?''

''Can you stop with the questions, Gibbs? It's none of your business''

''It is, I'm your boss'' Gibbs shot back.

''And I am not working anymore, remember? I'm not allowed to. So there, It's none of your business'' With that Tony slung his backpack over his shoulder and walked away.

Gibbs' mask slid from his face. He quickly went after Tony and was just in time to put his hands between the elevator doors to stop it from closing. He stepped in and let the doors close and the elevator start to go downwards. As soon as it did he hit the switch and turned towards Tony.

''Tony'' He said more gentle now. Tony just continued stare at his fuzzy reflection in the elevator doors.

After a pause Tony asked, ''What?''

''I am your friend''

He watched as Tony's shoulders slumped. ''I know''

''Than _talk_ to me, Tony'' Gibbs said, as he walked forward. Tony said nothing. ''Tell me what's going on'' He laid his hand on the other man's shoulder, but Tony jerked his shoulder loose.

''Jimmy is going to take me home. Ducky says I'm tired. As in _really_ about-to-collapse tired. And he's right, I am''

''There's more to it than that''

''Maybe'' How was he supposed to tell that the only thing that is going on, are... nightmares.

Gibbs sighed. ''Alright. Do you know when you'll be back?''

Finally Tony turned towards the other man, and Gibbs noticed that now he indeed looked exhausted. ''No. Can... can you ask Ducky if he has any idea? All I want to do is go home now'' Which was weird as he was angry and protesting about going home, minutes ago.

''Sure'' Gibbs nodded.

''Thanks''

''Do you need anything else?'' Gibbs asked.

Tony was surprised that Gibbs asked, but shook his head. ''No. I-I just need to get home''

''I'll come check on you when this workday is over''

Tony's eyes widened. ''That's not necessary'' He quickly said. ''I'll probably be asleep anyways''

''I'll come check on your when this workday is over'' Gibbs repeated, only slightly more firmly.

Knowing that there wasn't any way that he could convince Gibbs not to come, Tony just sighed and nodded.

Gibbs also nodded in acceptance and reached out to start the elevator again. As soon as they were at the garage floor Tony stepped out only to see Jimmy waiting for him and Ziva and McGee just driving into the level.

''You ready to go?'' Jimmy asked.

''Yeah'' Tony said.

''Bring him home safe, Palmer'' Gibbs ordered.

Surprised he had been spoken to, by Agent Gibbs of all people, Palmer's eyes went wide and he nodded vigorously. ''Y-yes, Sir— I mean Special Agent Gibbs!'' He stuttered.

Tony actual had to keep the smirk of his face as he looked at his stuttering friend. Before Jimmy had the job, Tony had warned him about Gibbs and said not to make himself an easy target, because he knew that Gibbs was mostly messing with him. But the awkward young man just couldn't help himself.

He looked passed him and saw McGee and Ziva now walking towards them. ''Come, Jim. Lead me to your car''

Jimmy smiled sadly at him and nodded. ''Alright'' and began to lead him to his car.

As they passed Ziva and McGee, Ziva asked, ''Where are you going, Tony?'' But Tony ignored her.

Ziva stopped with a frown and turned around, but before she could snap at him, she was cut off.

''David! McGee! Get your asses in here!'' Gibbs barked from inside the elevator, while he held it open.

McGee hurried towards the elevator and got in, while Ziva hesitated for a moment to look back at the other two men, before jogging towards the elevator.

''What's going on, boss?'' McGee asked

''Tony's sick and is going home. That's all there is to it, McGee'' Gibbs said as he pushed both the button for the autopsy and bullpen. ''Now, I'll go and see Ducky while you guys are going up stairs. When I get back up I expect a full Sit-Rep''

''Yes, Boss''

and

''Yes, Gibbs'' were said at once, as the doors closed.

 **...**

Tony sighed as he leaned back into the car seat of Jimmy's car. Altough not as much as a old timer fanatic as Tony, Jimmy knew his cars very well and Tony could appreciate the red colored 1986 Aston Martin V8 Volante.

He tried to keep his eyes open, knowing that when he did close his eyes he would be asleep immediately. It wasn't working so great, so he thought maybe talking would keep him awake.

''Thanks for doing this, Jim''

''Any time, Tony'' Jimmy said, as he checked his back view mirror and left mirror before changing lanes.

''Also for being the buffer with Ducky. I love the man... but he was getting to me'' Tony continued.

''You don't like it when people use your full name. I know that'' Jimmy replied. ''He's just old fashioned and doesn't mean anything by it''

''I know, it just...'' Tony trailed off.

But Jimmy knew. ''I know'' He said. ''What I don't know, is what's bothering you lately. Gibbs has noticed, Dr. Mallard has noticed. Even I have noticed that you're jumpy... distracted. I wish you would talk to me, like you usually do''

Tony sighed. ''I know. I just... it's stupid and childish and I don't even understand it''

There was a couple of moments of silence, before Palmer tried again.

''Special Agent Gibbs seemed concerned about you, Tony. Why don't you talk to him?''

Tony's head jerked to look at him. He raised an skeptical eyebrow. ''You know why''

''Ah, come on, Tony'' Jimmy had the nerve to grin at that. ''He's your friend''

Tony didn't respond to that and glared back out of the window. Yes, well that was kind of the whole problem wasn't it?

A moment later Jimmy began to chuckle. ''I remember when we—''

''YES!'' Tony interrupted before he could finish. He knew all to well what Jimmy meant. ''Can you stop bringing it up?''

Jimmy laughed out loud. ''Come on, it was funny''

''It wasn't'' Tony mumbled.

''It was. If it was me who had done it, you would also be talking about it still''

Okay... that was true.

''Okay, I won't bring it up again'' Jimmy finally said. He turned the car onto the parking lot of Tony's penthouse.

''Thank you'' Tony said, relieved.

Jimmy parked the car and turned it off. He turned to look at Tony. ''You know I would never actually say it to the others right?''

''I know'' Tony said. He did know. ''I would reveal too much about you too'' He did grin at that a little.

Jimmy nodded thoughtfully at that. ''That it would'' He watched as Tony unbuckled himself. ''Do you want me to come up?''

Tony paused. ''No. it's fine. _I'll_ be fine''

''Are you sure?'' Jimmy looked at him concerned.

''Yes'' Tony said nodding. He opened the door and was about to step out of the car, but he stopped and turned back.

He leaned in and kissed Jimmy's cheek. ''Thanks for bringing me home'' He said, sincerely. Jimmy smiled and felt his cheeks burn, causing Tony to grin. ''Now get back to work and learn'' He said and closed the door, walking towards his apartment building. Jimmy waited for a few moment, watching Tony go into the building, before shaking his head and beginning to make his way back to NCIS

 **…**

As soon as Tony walked into his apartment, he dropped his keys on the side table that was next to his door and hung his jacket in the closet on the other side of it. He pulled off his shoes and also dumped them there.

Walking towards the stairs up to his bed, he hesitated to make himself something to eat first, but he felt like all his energy had been drained from him as soon has he had closed the front door. No, he was going to sleep.

He made his way up and pulled off his suit. He grabbed the shirt that he thrown on the bed the morning and pulled it over his head. Then grabbed the sweatpants and did the same. Without further a due, he threw back the warm duvet and slipped under it. His head hit the cushion, while pulling the duvet over his body and tugging it under his chin.

The only thought was, that he hoped that he would sleep without any... nightmares, before sleep overtook his body.

* * *

 _ **So... yes, like I said not many answers for you, but still I hoped you liked it and like what you did read. I would like you hear your thoughts on anything, like what you think about the Tony/Jimmy banter. What do you think is going on there. IS something even going on? ;) so please review and I will get back with another chapter, hopefully soon!**_

 _ **X- Leonie**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hi guys!**_

 _ **I won't bother you with excuses of my lack of uploading, but yeah! :) That's for the reviews! The people that do are great! I'm glad you like it so far!**_ _ **Also thanks if only you follow and read my story(ies) too! I appreciate it!**_

 _ **Well anyway, here's the next chapter for you!**_

 ** _Enjoy your reading! :)_**

* * *

Gibbs only half listened to the results of Ducky's examination of the body. He heard was Ducky was saying, he would remember it too, but he didn't really register it at the same moment.

''Jethro''

Gibbs looked up and was met with a calm Ducky that seemed to look at him as if he could read everything that was going on in his mind.

''Anything else, Duck?'' He asked, casually.

''I thought you'd like to know the status of Anthony's health'' Gibbs gave a short nod. ''Well. I don't think he's sick in terms of having caught the flew or something similar, nor do I think something other physical is making him this way''

''What's the matter with him, than?''

''He's exhausted Jethro. More emotionally than physically. However his body does show obvious signs of fatigue, it's more his mental rest I am concerned about'' Ducky explained. ''I believe that, even with the small hours he does sleep, something is keeping him from getting the rest he needs, for several days, if not weeks, now''

Gibbs frowned. ''How would one manage that?''

''There are several reasons why someones mind will not rest while that person is asleep'' Ducky replied. ''But mostly because someone is struggling while asleep''

There was a beat of silence as Gibbs thought about it. ''You mean he's dreaming?''

''Nightmares is more like it'' Ducky corrected. ''You see, one dreams to process what has happened in the day. When we don't dream we don't need it. We also dream about negative things. But because the event in the dream is negative we view them as negative dreams. Nightmares''

''Then I don't get it, Ducky. How does that make him not able to rest?'' Jethro asked a little frustrated, that he didn't understand.

''That I cannot say for sure. Maybe he's dreaming about something and somehow he's unable to deal with it and his body reacts to it'' Ducky answered. ''Do also keep in mind that this doesn't have to be the reason at all''

''But you think it is?'' Gibbs raised a knowing eyebrow.

Ducky and Gibbs' eyes met and boy couple of seconds just stared at each other. Ducky then slowly nodded. ''I cannot say'' He walked over to his desk and sat down.

''What is it?'' Gibbs asked, seeing the look on Ducky's face.

''Jethro'' He stopped, unsure of how to bring this. ''You can't tell me you haven't noticed any strange behavior from the boy''

'' _not a boy_ '' Gibbs mentally said. He thought about it. He had. ''He's distracted a lot. Doesn't even hear me sometimes. I mean you were there this morning''

''I was'' Ducky said slowly. ''But I was talking more of his reaction to things. Mostly when you try to get his attention with snapping at him''

''I didn't snap'' Gibbs disagreed.

Ducky gave him a look that clearly said he was disagreeing. ''Maybe it wasn't your intension, but you did'' Ducky paused as Gibbs sighed and pinched his nose in frustration. ''And as I said, his reaction to things is suspicious'' Ducky said. ''In fact, I do think you recognize them, even if you don't realize it. You would recognize the reactions if you were talking to one of your victims''

Gibbs said quiet, as he his and Ducky's eyes met. ''No''

Ducky sighed. ''Jethro—''

''No!'' Gibbs cut him off harshly. ''I know what you're thinking, but no. His father didn't abuse him. At least not in a physical way''

''But you do think he was'' Ducky gave him a knowing look.

Gibbs didn't answer and there was a moment of silence that fell over them. After those moments Gibbs rolled his eyes and spoke again. ''You can come in now, Palmer''

The door swooshed and Jimmy walked in with a sheepish smile on his face from being caught. ''Sorry I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I didn't want to interrupt''

''Ah-huh. That's why you stayed there, instead of going upstairs'' Gibbs raised an eyebrow at him.

''Yeah, okay'' Jimmy admitted, and that looked away from Gibbs, as the Marine looked at him thoughtfully

''Palmer'' Gibbs said, thoughtfully. ''You and Tony are... friends. Aren't you?''

''Uhm...'' Palmer hesitated and his eyes went to Ducky's for a second, then back to Gibbs. ''Yeah'' He then answered.

Gibbs nodded. ''How was Tony in the car on the way to his apartment?''

Jimmy thought for a moment. ''He was trying hard not to fall asleep. Kept thanking me, so he had something to say. I tried to lighten the mood with some jokes, but he wasn't into it much. I think it only was because he's exhausted''

''So. He's your friend. Friends talk. Does he talk to you about his personal life?''

Jimmy hesitated. ''He tells a lot of stories. You know about college and his days as a cop. Some stories about him being younger...'' He trailed off, not sure he should say it.

''What, Palmer?'' Gibbs barked, seeing the hesitation, but it was without the edge in his voice.

''Well... Sometimes I get the feeling that, even though he tells a lot of stories, he doesn't _say_ much of anything. You know, that he tells a lot of things just so that people won't start asking questions about things he doesn't want to talk about. And if you think about it, even though he tells you a lot about himself, it feels as if you don't know a single thing about him''

Gibbs glanced at Ducky and the doctor gave a subtle nod. He looked back at Jimmy. ''Has he ever said anything about why he's so tired?''

''No. He just says he's sleeping badly'' Jimmy replied.

''Do you know _why_ he's sleeping badly?'' Gibbs rephrased his question.

''N-not officially'' Jimmy stammered.

''What do you mean, Mr. Palmer'' Ducky asked.

Jimmy startled. Ducky hadn't said anything since he had been called out by Gibbs. ''I think I know, but I'm not sure he knows I know''

''And you know how?'' Gibbs tried to keep himself at bay, he didn't like that Palmer was stalling.

Jimmy sighed. ''Tony and I have movie nights couple of times a month. We crash at each other places, depending where we decide to go'' He began, but paused, clearing his throat. ''The last couple of times, I caught him having a nightmare. I wake him up, but he's so out of it that he doesn't even realize that I was the one to wake him up, most of the time'' He explained. ''He doesn't like it when people worry, and because he's so... fussy the first couple of moments I just go and pretend to sleep. Every time it happens, he checks if I'm still asleep and then goes to the bathroom to take a shower. I'm not sure if he believes I'm asleep, but he doesn't mention it the following morning, so...''

He stopped again to think, deciding if he had said enough or if he should say more. He decided the latter, when the two man looked at him expectingly.

''Once though, he woke up and he had his gun on bedside table of my guest bedroom— (Gibbs and Ducky didn't need to know that Tony was actually laying beside him in his own bedroom) —because I didn't have a safe to put it in. He woke up and sat on his knees the end of the bed, his gun trained on me, in a second, while I had been punched to the ground. It took a couple of seconds to get him out of the... nightmare he had been in''

Jimmy looked sadly at the two older man. ''You should've seen him the moment he realized where he really was. He kept apologizing and begging me to stay his friend only to go back to the apologizing part''

''When did that happened?'' Ducky asked.

''Three weeks ago'' Jimmy asnwered.

Gibbs and Ducky's eyes met again and Gibbs nodded.

''Thanks for telling me, Jimmy'' Gibbs said to the young assistant, before walking out of autopsy without saying anything more.

Jimmy blinked after him, not even able to stutter words of ''You're welcome'' back at the Marine.

''That was very informative, Mr. Palmer'' Ducky said.

''Thank you, doctor. I just hope that Special Agent Gibbs will be able to do something to help him''

''Do you think Tony needs help?'' Ducky

''Yes. And I think Gibbs will be just the man that he needs'' Jimmy said a bit distractedly, as he went to do some cleaning of the tools that Ducky had used.

Ducky looked after him as he thought about what Mr. Palmer had said. Gibbs was just the man that Tony needed? Maybe it really was what Ducky thought and Tony needed a father figure. He thought for a moment, before making the dicision. He turned the desk chair towards the computer and began typing.

 **…**

 _He was panting, his breathing coming in short huffs. And he was running. Fast, as usual. He was fast and that was good too._

 _''Where are you going DiNozzo?'' Someone called out from behind him with a sadistic laugh in his voice. ''There is no where to go! We're going to find you anyhow. Just give it up and we will go easy on you!''_

 _''Easy my ass'' Tony murmured to himself. He knew they wouldn't 'go easy' on him. Because he hadn't go easy on them. His prank had worked amazingly, but he knew he was going to pay the price for it._

 _Suddenly he came to a halt. His lack of shoes on his feet made him slide across the wooden floor. He made the decision and went into a left hallway. He tried several doors, left and right, until he found one that opened._

 _''Okay'' He sighed, leaning against the door he had closed behind himself._

 _It was only a moment later when his eyes snapped open when he heard footsteps and voices from the other side._

 _''Try every door. He has to be in one of these dorms''_

 _''Fuck fuck fuck'' Tony murmured and sought for somewhere to hide. Under the bed was too easy to see. The closet was too obvious. The windows were locked during winter break._

 _The doorknob rattled and Tony jumped, turning around. The started knocking and pounding against the door._

 _''Ah come on, Anthony. We just want to talk'' Another voice said sarcastically, followed by laughing._

 _Tony closed his eyes and sighed. He really had nowhere to go. He could stay here, you know. He felt his pocket. He had two energy bars. That was enough for a week right?_

 _''Oh cut the joking, Tony'' He told himself. ''You're screwed and you know it'' He reached out for the door. ''Let's just face them'' He took a deep breath, his chest pumping up, as he turned the door knob and it unlocked._

 _As soon as it did, the door was opened harshly, connecting with his nose. He staggered back, holding onto it in pain._

 _''Well, hello'' The first one to come in greeted, as if it was the most normal routine here. Somehow it was. He was followed by three other boys of his age._

 _Tony looked at him and couldn't really keep the smirk off his face. ''What happened to you, Gary?'' He asked. His voice was just changing. And with being 14 he was a little late with that. Just like with almost everything else. ''Got attacked by the lime car, did you?'' He asked._

 _The older boy couldn't laugh at that. His head and shoulders were covered in the white substance. Only his eyes were scrubbed clean._

 _''Why you little shit!'' He growled as he grabbed Tony by the collar of his uniform sweater vest. ''You always have to stick your nose in somebody else's business, don't you?''_

 _''I though you only wanted to talk?'' Tony retorted, struggling weakly against the hold 'Gary' had on him. The boy was bigger than him. Two years older too._

 _Gary chuckled nastily. ''I would have thought you would know how it works, Anthony. It's not the first time we need to... correct you''_

 _Tony laughed, but there was no humor. ''Correct? That's how you call it. Okay. I would call it bullying or assaulting or uhm... how about torture? But whatever. I don't think I am in the position to name what you do to people'' He knew that he wasn't making it any better, but in these situations, the filter between his brain and mouth was not responding like it should be._

 _''Can't you shut up your damned mouth?!'' Gary growled again and brought Tony's body from against the wall only to push it back harshly. Tony grunted in pain._

 _Turning his head to the other three, Gary gestured with his head for them to come in action._

 _The three responded, knowing the gestures and orders from their 'boss'. Gary let go of Tony, letting him fall to the ground with a thud._

 _But Tony hadn't have the time to collect himself, before he was hauled up and dumped on the empty bed._

 _''Strip him!'' Gary ordered the others._

 _It was then that Tony began to struggle sincerely. ''No, Gary! Stop it! It was stupid, okay? I know! Just let me go and I won't say anything to the Headmaster!''_

 _Gary just laughed as if it was some funny joke. ''And what? You think he would believe a boy that's reported to be an Unruly Child?'' He asked, while the other three worked to get him out of his uniform. ''One that is reported to have a lying disorder of some sort and one that self-harms?'' He stopped there to smirk as he pulled out something from the inside-pocket of his blazer. He looked at it almost affectionately. ''Weird don't you think? That they think that, when you never even have done the harm? Well... not physically anyway? But you helped in this world yourself. Wanting to hide what goes on? Wanting to be the hero, so badly'' The last words were said in a mocking tone. ''And now you say you will go to the Headmaster and tell him everything'' He pretended to think. ''Hmm... no. I think I'm good''_

 _''Come on, Gary!'' Tony tried. Two of them were holding him down, while the other pulled the pants off. His sweater vest and button down shirt were already forgotten somewhere on the floor._

 _Eventually he was only laying there in his boxer briefs. His chest heaving with the adrenaline pumping through his body, knowing what was to come._

 _It all seemed to get fussy from there, as Gary came closer and he was turned onto his stomach, without much problem._

 _''Now let's see where there is some room for us to draw, shall we?'' Gary said and the others chuckled_

 _...Silence, but then there was a gut wrenching scream, full of excruciating pain._

 **...**

Tony eyes snapped open and he shot up, sitting upright in bed. He looked around his room with wide, glazed over eyes, looking for any sign of danger. His chest was heaving fast and he was sweating all over, once again.

After a couple of moments, he recognized his surroundings, even as it was dim in the room. Seeing where he was, his eyes returned more normal.

He brought his hand over to his heart and felt it beat rapidly. He closed his eyes and began to take deep breaths, trying to get his breathing and heart under control again. It took a couple of times, to finally being able to feel that it was working.

He could still feel it. As if it was yesterday that it had happened. All of it. And it was at that moment, the moment of knowing the feeling, that he felt his stomach turn over and the nausea come up.

''Oh, shit!'' Tony cursed as he threw the covers off himself and ran into the bathroom. He fell to his knees just in time in front of the toilet, before everything came out.

 **…**

Gibbs was working. Well... he was trying to, but his mind kept wandering off to Tony and what he had learned from Ducky's assistant.

So Tony _was_ suffering nightmares. Palmer had confirmed that for them. That wasn't something to be so paranoid about, was it? He knew that the nightmares weren't the problem, but more about what Tony was dreaming about.

If Ducky was right, Tony couldn't handle what he was dreaming about. His mind was refusing to deal with it. But what could it be that was so hard to deal with? His father? No. Although rarely, Tony had talked about his father. He had said enough to make sure Gibbs knew his father hadn't abused him. Not physical anyway. Or could it be that Tony had deceived him?

He looked at the time on the right down corner in his computer. 4:18 pm. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. He couldn't do this. He couldn't work. He was having this weird feeling in his gut, that something was wrong. And Gibbs always listened to his gut.

''Ziva'' Gibbs called her.

Ziva looked up startled. For the last couple of hours, they were trying to get a lead on their case. In full concentration, while McGee was down with Abby, teaming up with her to double the speed.

''Yes, Gibbs?''

''Tell the Director, I have a family, I need to go'' He told her, as promptly turned off the screen of his computer, and stood up. He grabbed his coat from over his desk chair and put it on.

Ziva watched as he did so. She frowned confused. ''Gibbs?'' She asked again. ''Did something happen?''

He paused his actions and looked up at her, before he said, ''Not sure''

She nodded slowly. ''It's Tony, isn't it?''

''Not sure'' He just repeated.

''But you're going there, aren't you?''

Gibbs sighed. ''Ziva''

Ziva nodded again, the smiled a little sadly, but knowingly. ''He has problems. I know, Gibbs, I am not as oblivious you and the others sometimes think. I know I am new, but I still feel it. And I do think he needs someone and I think he needs you especially''

Gibbs let that sink in. ''So... You'll tell Jenny?''

''Yes''

''And tell her, I gave you lead. If she doesn't believe you, let her call me'' Gibbs told her.

''I will'' Ziva agreed.

Gibbs nodded approvingly. ''Call me if there's a lead, not so I can come back, but because I want to know what you're up to''

Ziva smiled. Even without him being at her side, he would have her six. She wasn't used to that, but it was welcome.

He buttoned up his coat and threw away his empty coffee cup into the trashcan next to his desk. ''Thanks, Ziver'' He said, and walked out of the bullpen without another word.

 **…**

The elevator doors opened at the top floor of the modern apartment building and he walked to the only door that was on the floor. He knocked and waited a couple of moments. But there was no answer. He didn't even hear anything from the other side of the door either. He knocked again, a little bit harder.

''Tony?'' He called. He frowned. '' _He could still be asleep_ '' But is gut told him, no. He reached into his pocket for his key chain and found Tony's.

Gibbs quickly unlocked and opened the door and stepped inside. The lights were still out and there was no sign that Tony had anything to drink or eat when he came in, about 5 hours ago.

He walked further into the apartment, but then he looked up towards Tony's room. He made a decision and slowly walked up the stairs. Being almost upstairs he could see that Tony's bed was empty. The covers pulled loose and laid in a heap on the mattras.

''Tony?'' He called again.

But again no answer. It was then that his eyes caught the light that came from the door on his left. He gathered that was the bathroom. He walked up to the door and slowly opened it.

Tony was there. Sitting against the modern bathtub. His head leaning between his knees, that were spread a little. His elbows on his knees and hands on the back of his head. Gibbs could see that his shirt had on, was drenched with sweat. And the smell in the bathroom, told him that Tony had been sick.

''Tony'' He said softly, as he knelled down next to his agent. What was wrong with him? He reached out to lay his own hand on Tony's shoulder.

As he did so, Tony jumped and his head came up fast, his wild eyes locking with Gibbs'. Gibbs felt his own eyes go wide a little, by what he saw. Tony's eyes were red and swollen, his cheeks were stained with dried tears. And he felt the younger man shaking under his hand.

* * *

 _ **Sorry for any grammar mistakes, I didn't have time to read it 4 times over again. And even than I miss some. Dyslectia is a bitch ;)**_

 _ **Well what do you think? What do you think will happen in the next one. Please review, because I really want to know what you think :) But be kind!**_

 _ **Update soon!**_

 ** _Leonie_**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hey people!**_

 _ **Here's a new update! I just wanted to say, how amazing you are and I appreciate every review you have been giving me! I am sooo happy you like it for now.**_

 _ **Sorry for the delay, but my laptop decided to die on my and well I don't have anything else then my cellphone to write on. And I can't write on my phone, so I have to use my parents laptop when that's possible, which isn't every often, to rewrite, what I have written on paper and then upload it.**_

 ** _Sorry for any typo's and grammar mistakes!_**

 ** _Enjoy!_**

* * *

''G-Gibbs?'' Tony asked, his voice was raspy. He was sure that Gibbs was the one looking at him. Maybe his vision was blurry, but his ears were still working quite well. ...At least he thought so.

''Yeah'' Gibbs confirmed.

''What are you doing here?'' Tony asked, shakily. As his eyes searched Gibbs'.

''Had a gut feeling. I wanted to see if you were alright'' Gibbs admitted. ''Which you're not''

''But the case—''

''The case,'' Gibbs interrupted. ''can wait. I left Ziva in the lead''

''Ziva?'' Tony frowned at him skeptically. ''And that's a good idea?''

''Ziva is capable. She needs to learn and I think she has figured out, that we interrogate them and then arrest them arrest, instead of kill them first and ask questions later'' He shifted as Gibbs' knees protested. ''Now enough trying to change the subject. You gonna tell me what happened?''

Tony looked away at the returning question. ''Vomited''

At that Gibbs made a face, but he nodded ''Yeah, I can smell that'' He said. ''I thought you said, you weren't sick''

''I'm not'' Tony told the truth as he concentrated hard on a spot on the floor.

''Then why'd throw up?'' There wasn't an answer, nor a change in Tony's line of sight. ''Tony?'' He tried, but again no answer. He sighed and stood up, holding out his hand. ''Come on, let's get you cleaned up''

Tony did let himself help stand up, but he pulled away directly after he stood. ''I can get myself cleaned. You can go, I'm f—''

''Don't even say it!'' Gibbs snapped and regretted it as soon as he saw Tony flinch at his snap. Dammit Ducky was right. ''If you don't want me to help you here, I can go to the living room and wait, but I am _not_ leaving'' He told the younger man sternly. ''Understood?''

''Yes, Sir'' Tony said quietly.

Gibbs narrowed his eyes, but didn't correct him. He nodded, turned and left the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He stopped there though, he turned back and waited. For a moment there wasn't any movement, but as he was about to go back in, he heard the lock slide in its place.

He made his down the stairs and couldn't help but look over the living room all over again. He hadn't really been here again since that day he had found out about Tony's passion for music and even though it looked very similar, he could see that Tony had changed some things, to make it more of a home.

The most noticeable were the coffee table, dining table and TV stand. The had changed from the older wooden ones into modern glass ones with black frames. The cabinets with DVD's on both sides of the TV were still the same, though.

Underneath the glass coffee table laid a soft light blue carpet. With a white geometric design. It was as long as the couch and as wide as the space between the TV and the couch.

Gibbs walked over to the round switches by the front door and tried them. It was a little weird as Gibbs wasn't used to a dimmer switch and didn't know which one was for which, but he soon had the right ones turned on, bathing the living room in just enough light that the dusky day outside wasn't providing anymore.

As he walked towards kitchen he couldn't resist gliding his fingers over Tony's prized possession. The piano wing. It was indeed as beautiful as he remembered. Nothing like the old piano that Tony had given new life to, in his basement.

Walking into the kitchen, he found another dimmer switch and turned on the lights. He looked around the clean, neat kitchen, before going to fridge. He was here, so he might as well went to look if Tony had anything to make a light dinner. Opening the fridge, he paused, staring. He had expected many things, but nothing what he saw.

Instead of ready made meals, soda or other sugar or fast-food products, Tony's fridge was organized, with date coded boxes with all kinds of products, healthy fresh food. In the door stood bottles of water and other healthy drinks. Only in a one drawer, laid a couple of bottles of beer, while in the other one laid fruit.

Well... He always wondered how Tony managed to keep the body that he had, if the eating pattern in office was anything to go by. Which —And Gibbs frowned at the realization— was a while since he had seen Tony eat any fast food. Tony only ate fast food at the office when Gibbs had ordered for them all at once, when they had a all-nighter.

Okay. Well, it wasn't new that he learned things about Tony that were completely unexpected. Gibbs looked around and found two shelves on both sides from extractor fan, with books. He inspected them and found a book called, 'Soups in 20 minutes''. He grabbed it and walked back to the fridge, while leaving through the book.

 **…**

Tony put his hands hands against the wall as the water cascaded over his body. He already had washed himself and should go out, but he wasn't ready just yet. Gibbs was downstairs, waiting for him and he knew the man wouldn't just let it go. What was worse, was what Tony saw in Gibbs' eyes. Understanding. Which was impossible, because Gibbs couldn't understand what he didn't know right? Gibbs didn't know... did he?

'' _Oh God, what if he does_?'' Tony moaned sadly at the thought. His hands turned into fists as he punched the wall halfheartedly. ''Dammit!'' He snapped.

Tony took several more minutes, to compose himself, before he turned off the shower. He stopped out, grabbed a towel and dried himself off. He paused then. Normally he would walk out of his bathroom and go of to his closet, but now, with Gibbs downstairs, (if he wasn't sitting on his bed instead) so he grabbed the bathrobe and slowly unlocked the door.

He walked over the railing and looked down. The lights were turned on and he could hear Gibbs being busy in the kitchen. He listened for a moment, before he quickly walked over to his closet and grabbed a pair of clean sweatpants and a dark blue T-shirt.

It was only when he was clothed that he noticed the smell coming from downstairs. It wasn't a bad smell. Quite the opposite actually. He took a deep breath and went down the stairs. He walked to the kitchen and grinned when he saw Gibbs standing over a pan.

''Smells good, Boss'' Gibbs turned around, seeing Tony standing there with a huge 1000 watt smile on his face. Tony walked over to the stove and looked inside of the pan. ''I see you made yourself at home''

Gibbs shrugged. ''Had to do something, while waiting and I am sure I would've destroyed the TV if I tried to turn it on''

Tony chuckled. ''Yeah, thanks for not trying that''

Gibbs glared at him, but Tony could see the seriousness wasn't in it. He pushed Tony to the side and turned off the stove. He went to ask Tony where the bowls were, but when he turned he saw that Tony held the two out for him.

Tony smirked. ''I can give you a detailed tour, you know, for next time you want to make me food''

''What makes you think I will make you food here again?'' Gibbs asked as he split soup in two.

Tony shrugged. He walked over to another part of the kitchen and pulled open a drawer. He grabbed out a bag with bread. And pulled out 4 slices. 2 each.

''Come on'' Tony said, leading him, back into the living room. He sat down on the couch, Gibbs next to him only a second later. He picked up the remote and turned on the TV. ''Something you want to watch?'' He asked Gibbs.

Gibbs shook his head and tore off a piece of bread, then dipped it into his soup.

''Your loss'' Tony said. He then clicked the remote again and a list of titles came into few. He scrolled down them, clicked once, then scrolled again and clicked again.

Gibbs squinted, but couldn't read it, even though Tony's TV was huge in comparison with his own. He wished he had taken his glasses out of his car. But then again, Tony went probably too fast, even with them on.

Tony found the movie he wanted to see and started it. Gibbs didn't know which Bond movie it was, but he recognized, Sean Connery.

They began eating now and it was mostly silent, while doing so. Tony would comment on the movie, explaining things or telling details that he knew about the movie or the actors that you wouldn't just know if you watched the movie. While it seemed like a normal late afternoon between friends, which one of was a functional mute, while the other talked, Gibbs knew it wasn't so.

He could feel the tension almost rolling off of Tony. His shoulders were stiff. He was working his jaw, even when he wasn't talking or eating. His eyes flickered from the TV to anywhere, but him, in a nervous tick.

But it wasn't until Tony paused the movie 45 minutes in, that Gibbs decided it was time.

Tony collected the two bowls, now empty, and the cutlery they had used and stood up to bring it to the kitchen. But Gibbs didn't let him. He caught the younger man by his free wrist, but kept staring at the paused movie.

''This isn't going to help, you know'' He commented.

''What?'' Tony asked, his voice slightly higher then normal.

''You are trying to pretend nothing has happened. That you didn't lose it at work, that you didn't get a check up and got ordered home, and that I didn't find you on the bathroom floor, just over an hour ago'' Gibbs summed up. His slowly looked up to meet scared green eyes. ''I didn't make the soup to make you think that I didn't want to talk about what's going on, Tony and you know that'' He stopped for a moment. ''I'm here, because you were there when I lost it at work. And maybe we didn't lose it in the same way, but you did in fact lose it. And I'm here to help you in the same way you helped me. with talking''

Gibbs saw Tony swallow and look at Gibbs' hand on his wrist. ''Let me take the dishes to the kitchen'' He said quietly, although it felt more like a question.

Gibbs held Tony's eyes little longer, before letting go. As soon as Tony felt Gibbs letting go, he hurried to the kitchen and moments later he was back.

He sat down at the same stop he did before. But put his elbows on his legs and ran his hands over his face. ''I'm...'' He let out a sad laugh. ''I'm not really good at talking''

''That's not true. You're good at talking, you're just not good at saying what you want to say'' Gibbs corrected him.

Tony nodded in understanding, but still didn't start talking.

''How about I ask some questions and you just answer them the best you can. You can take as long as you want, but I do expect an answer, okay?'' Gibbs suggested.

Tony licked his lips nervously, but nodded slowly. ''Okay'' He agreed.

''Okay'' Gibbs thought for a moment. ''You and Palmer are friends?''

Tony's eyes shot up at the unexpected question. Where did that come from? ''Yeah''

Gibbs nodded. ''He a good friend?''

Tony laughed, he didn't know what else to do. ''Yeah'' He said again. ''I guess. More like I teach him not to be scared of you''

Gibbs chuckled. ''And how's that working out?''

''I know he doesn't stutter as much as he used to. But maybe it's because you don't glare so hard at him anymore''

''Can you talk to him about... stuff?''

Tony felt a bit awkward then. ''A little? It's more me helping him out then the other way around, but we get on pretty well''

''It seemed like you two knew each other before you met at NCIS'' Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

Tony frowned. ''We met before, yes'' He answered. ''Gibbs, what has this got to do with anything?''

''He knows'' Gibbs stated.

''What are you talking about?'' Tony retorted back, confused.

''He knows what's going on with you. He knows because the reason comes up every time you stay at each others houses after a movie night''

Tony narrowed his eyes, as he felt as if he was being accused of something. ''Did he talk to you?''

''I asked him some things and he answered''

''Did you ask him or did you demand him to answer you with that glare you use in interrogation?'' Tony retorted angrily.

''I asked him. Nicely, I might add'' Gibbs returned the narrow eyes.

Tony knew that Gibbs was telling the truth, the minute he saw Gibbs being offended by his accusation. ''Okay'' He took a deep breath. ''Okay, Sorry. I didn't mean to say you forced answers out of him. I-I just—''

''Get defensive where Palmer is concerned'' Gibbs finished. Tony nodded and Gibbs tilted his head as if to see Tony from another from another angle. There was a question on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't think it would be the right time to ask _that_ question.

Tony licked his lips nervously again. ''You are right, I think''

''About?''

''That, Jimmy knows'' Tony clarified. ''What has he told you?''

''He told me about the movie nights and that you mostly stay over each other's houses if it gets late. He told me that you seem distracted, tired, jumpy, which I already know'' Gibbs answered. ''He told me that he woke up several time, because of you screaming and when he went to look, you were still sleeping''

Tony looked down again.

''Nightmares are very common among people working in law enforcement or Military, Tony'' Gibbs continued quietly. ''It's nothing to be ashamed of, I have them from time to time'' He added the last part.

Tony laughed. He laughed and what was worse, it scared Gibbs, the way he did. Tony stood up and Gibbs followed his every movement as he began to pace. ''Oh I am not ashamed of nightmares, Gibbs''

''Then wha—''

''You don't want to know''

Gibbs now stood up too and grabbed Tony by his shoulders. ''Then why am I here?! You think I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to know what is bothering you? Why you haven't slept in weeks? Months maybe?''

Tony's eyes flashed and he jerked out of Gibbs' grip harshly. ''Don't touch me'' He snapped. ''Don't do that''

''Do what?'' Gibbs asked, but Tony shook his head and he walked away from Gibbs. But Gibbs followed. ''Tony, stop it!''

Tony turned around to face him and he was so close there nose barely touched. ''Did you ever wake up and looked at yourself and wondered, 'Where did that scar come from again?' For example the one on my chin, that I got while I fell out of a tree and cut it on a branch, like this one?'' Tony touched his chin and indeed, if you looked closely enough you could see a scar.

''Or maybe the scar on my finger because I sliced it open, trying to surprise my mom for Mother's Day, when I was 6'' He again showed his hand and indeed, in between his index and middle finger was a small scar. ''Do you have those?''

''Of course'' Gibbs nodded. ''Everyone has those''

Tony finally stepped a step back from him. ''Do you have scars you don't remember getting?''

''Yeah. I cut myself on something, I don't remember until I see the cut or bruise''

Tony chuckled and shook his head. ''That's not what I mean. Do you have scars that you have as long as you can remember, but you never in a million years can think of a time you got it?''

All Gibbs could do was shake his had slowly. ''No''

''So ultimately you can explain every scar you got one way or the other'' Tony said and Gibbs nodded. Then Tony did something Gibbs was wasn't expecting him to do. What he hadn't see Tony do ever.

He took of his shirt in front of Gibbs. And the sight shocked Gibbs.

''Than please explain to me, how I couldn't remember any of these scars of these, ever! While I've been looking at them for years. None of them!'' Tony said as he a round on the spot.

Gibbs looked at Tony's chest, stomach, shoulder and back. Almost every inch of it was covered in scar tissue. Many different kinds of scars. Cuts, welts, burns. As if Tony had been undercover and been made and the guys tortured him in every possible way. God he hoped it wasn't that.

Tony stopped and looked at Gibbs again. ''I couldn't remember, Gibbs'' Tony's voice was shaking, as if he was fighting off tears and/or breaking down. ''I have all of them for years and years and never have I been able to figure out how I got them. Even though I didn't know, I always hid them, because I hate looking at them, because I know there was a reason why they are there. A reason I didn't want to remember'' Tony swallowed. ''But I do now. Because now I know how I got most of them. Do you know how?'' He didn't give Gibbs the chance to answer, with a empty smile on his face. ''Because I get to see it, every time I close my eyes. Every time I close my eyes, I see how they cut me. Beat me. Burn me. Drown me... _torture_ me. And I don't think I was even 16 years old''

* * *

 _ **What do you think? Comments, Reviews are much appreciated! :) Let me know, what you think you know, what you** **think will happen next everything in you mind. But be nice! I like nice!**_

 _ **update soon!**_


	5. Chapter 5

**(Uploaded: 20-3-16, 21:15, Holland)**

 ** _Hi everyone!_**

 ** _Yes, yes I am fast I know... which is very surprising for me also. But I had a laptop at my possesion for the moment and I had a lot of inspiration, so I wrote and wrote and there it was! Another chapter! Yay! :D_**

 ** _I want to thank everyone that follows this story and especially the ones reviewed also. You guys are seriously awesome! :D_**

 ** _Sorry for any typo's and/or grammar mistakes! I know that I will probably have them, just can't seem to get rid of them. Dyslectia and trust issues are a bitch ;)_**

 ** _So okay! Here's the new chapter. Enjoy the hurt/comfort!_**

* * *

Silence fell over them. Gibbs and Tony stared at each other as Tony finally really broke down. He let himself fall down on the couch and put his face in his hands. Gibbs could see that the younger man was shaking again. He didn't think he was crying though. No, Gibbs would know if he did.

Gibbs slowly sat down next to his agent again and reached out to place a hand on the younger man's shoulder. Before it could settle, though, Tony jerked and move away.

''Please, don't'' Tony said quietly. ''I-I don't know why. I-it just reminds me of— I don't even know'' He let out a soft pathetic laugh. ''That's stupid, isn't it''

''No'' Gibbs shook his head. He ran a hand over his face. ''Jesus, Tony, that's not stupid at all. With what I see—'' He stopped as he saw Tony made a face of disgust. Then something came up on his mind. ''You said, 'They. _They_... cut me. Beat me'. So it wasn't your father—''

Tony looked up and blinked. ''You thought my father did... well... abused me?'' He asked, as if he had heard something comical. ''Why would you think that?''

''I don't know. I know something is off with your relationship with your father. And while you haven't said anything detailed about him, the things you did say, just didn't feel right. I didn't want to assume, but in many cases...'' Gibbs took a moment to breath. ''That's the outcome''

Tony nodded. ''Yeah. I guess I can understand how you came to the conclusion'' He agreed. ''My father didn't lay a hand on me— Wait, no, that's not really true. He backhanded me, _once_.'' He shook his head at the memory. ''But after that, he just started to pretend I wasn't there at all. Was pretty good at it too'' He added the last part.

''That's not right either, Tony'' Gibbs said softly, with heavy disapproval.

''Maybe. But it wasn't abuse''

''Ducky would say it was emotional abuse'' Gibbs stated.

''Yeah'' Tony gave in with a sigh. ''There is that''

Silence fell over them again, as they both stared at the paused movie on the screen.

''You didn't answer my question'' Gibbs spoke up, after a couple of minutes.

''You didn't really give me one'' Tony gave a slight smirk, even though he knew where Gibbs was getting at. Gibbs was felt something stir in himself, when he realized that Tony was getting somewhat less tense, as he began to joke a little. Tony felt comfortable with him.

''Who are 'They'?'' Gibbs asked.

''You know, I don't really know''

''Tony—''

But Tony stopped him. ''No, I mean, I can't tell you names. I never see faces and even though the voices are clear, they are blurry at the same time. All I know is, that they are slightly older then me. But still students, I think''

Gibbs frowned. ''You're saying that this happened at school?'' He asked in disbelieve.

''Boarding school. Military I might add''

Gibbs knew that, it was in Tony's file. ''You were 12 when you got there''

''Yeah. Father had enough with my behavior— and before you ask, _yes_ , I was _that_ bad. But I had to do something to get his attention right?'' Tony said when Gibbs wanted to protest. ''To be honest, I liked it in the beginning. The were strict yes, but I liked that. You were given rules and regulations, you stuck to them, you were good, if not you were punished. Simple but effective''

''I remember my first and second year completely. I remember that I liked it. I got attention from the teachers. Most of them were nice. I talked myself into their good graces smoothly. Of course there's always a teacher that no one likes or can't hold order in class, but that's in every school, right?'' He shook his head, he had to stop rambling.

Tony frowned, almost painfully so. ''I should have connected the dots''

Gibbs frowned too. ''What do you mean?''

Tony looked at his hands. ''It's 3rd year where it gets fussy for me. I remember the changes that were drastically made. The Director retired... I think, it was never really said or I can't remember. But I know it went from strict to... down right, well... concentration camp? I remember that it wasn't normal. That it was... _wrong_. I remember some days since then. I remember Charlotte'' He smiled sadly at remembering her. ''She was the best at the drills. They were _so tough_. So many couldn't handle it, but she could without a problem''

Gibbs smiled at the sincere tone of admiration that Tony's voice held.

''Anyway, I can remember her. The talks, the smiles shared during class. But there are so many days that are just... missing. And as I get older, the more I am missing. I think the last two years... they're almost completely... just vanished from my mind. Like I was... Obliviated''

Gibbs' face was full in confusion at that word. ''What?''

''Harry Potter?'' Tony asked, but Gibbs' face just got more confused. He shook his head. ''We really need to have to talk about your lack of knowledge on some movies, or books in this matter'' He took a breath. ''Anyway... I feel like they just _grabbed_ the memories from me and took them away. For couple of days at the time. Put them in a jar or something... but now they are given back to me i-i in nightmares'' He stopped and laughed at himself. ''God this just makes me sound insane. Like I belong in a Mental Institution''

Gibbs had listen slowly and took in every word that Tony has said. It didn't sound insane. Not at all. He believed every word that Tony had said. But his gut was spilling up. He had that feeling that he got when in a case, they missed something and that something was very wrong. Something wasn't right, with what Tony was saying, not that Tony wasn't telling the truth, because he did. But something was wrong.

''But I remember'' Tony's voice suddenly small. ''Most of it now. The memories, they are back. Fussy, but they are. And I can _feel_ it, when I dream it. I remember what they did in those days. I remember... _feel_ the excruciating pain'' His voice wavered. ''They tortured me, because I resisted. Because something wasn't right, something was so damned wrong''

Tony not accepting something that wasn't right and trying to do something about it, was exactly the Tony he was now. Just one of the many reasons why Gibbs chose Tony to be his 'Second-in-Command' for.

Tony had stopped talking then and he sighed, almost in relief.

''Tony'' Gibbs spoke up for the first time in a long time. ''Repressed memories are very common with people that have gone through something traumatic. And I have to say that this qualifies as traumatic''

But Tony shook his head negative. ''No, that's not it Gibbs. I think— _know_ it's not that. I thought about that several times, but I feel like that's not it. It feels wrong to think that'' Tony said.

''What are you saying?'' Gibbs asked.

''If I repressed the days they... did _those_ _things_ to me, then why are the days after that day also fussy?'' Tony asked. ''It's as if I've been asleep for a day or 2 after that and the memories are slowly getting more clear with those days after. The days after I can't remember being in class, but what I did do or where I was, I can't figure out'' Tony paused. ''It's almost like I was—''

''Drugged''

Tony's eyes went wide and his stared shocked at Gibbs. He also saw the realization in the Marines eyes. The one he got when he had just found the missing dot on a open case. ''Yes! _Yes_! That's exactly it! Like I was dosed'' He said with a tone of horrified disbelieve. ''Holy fuck'' He breathed. His breathing was raising all together ''Are we both thinking the same thing?''

Gibbs nodded regretfully. ''I think we are''

''Shit, Gibbs. That's messed up. Who would do such thing at a school?'' He suddenly stood up and paced back and forth, muttering to himself. ''Fuck fuck fuck. I-I can't believe this. It can't be what I- _we_ think... it is''

Gibbs stood up too, he saw that Tony was getting red and not from anger. ''Tony. Tony, calm down. Calm down!'' He called, when he saw starting to loose control and started hyperventilating. Gibbs took Tony by his shoulders, relieved that the man didn't flinch. ''Tony! Look at me'' Tony's eyes met his, now terrified. ''Come on. Calm down. Take deep breaths. Repeat after me. In...'' He took a deep breath and Tony tried to do it too, but it was more like gulping. ''and out'' Gibbs said, doing so slowly. Unconsciously his hands went from Tony's shoulders to his neck, just under his jaw. ''Again. In...'' Gibbs repeated this a couple of times and slowly Tony calmed down, they eyes never leaving the other's. He felt Tony's pulse calming down, under his hand. That fact gave a feeling he couldn't place.

''You okay?'' Gibbs asked Tony, his voice suddenly soft.

Tony only nodded at him, mesmerized with the icy blue eyes before him. His heart made a flutter for a whole other reason now. And with realizing that, he suddenly jerked out of Gibbs' grasp. Gibbs frowned at the odd look Tony had, when he did so.

''I'm fine'' Tony automatically replied.

''You're not, but I know what you mean'' Gibbs stated.

Silence fell over them, both not knowing what to do. Tony suddenly felt exposed. He had forgotten that he had been without a shirt all the time and the scars had been out for everyone... well for Gibbs to see. He snatched his shirt from the ground, where it had laid forgotten and pulled it over his head again. He then took a deep breath and turned.

''Gibbs?'' Tony's voice was uncertain and almost inaudible, but Gibbs heard him.

''Yeah, Tony?''

''I'm tired''

Gibbs looked at Tony and doing that, he saw that Tony looked indeed exhausted. Like the life had been suddenly sucked out of him, and telling him all of this had cost Tony all the energy he had left.

''I Imagine you would be'' He agreed. ''Why don't you go to bed?''

''I don't want to sleep. I don't want to see the memories anymore'' Tony said truthfully, he looked down at his fingers, that were playing nervously with the cord of his sweatpants.

''You need to sleep, Tony. And I know it's hard, but you are not alone here. I'll be right here on the sofa''

''You're not going home?'' Tony looked up at him, his eyes slightly wide.

''Whatever gave you that idea?'' Gibbs asked, with just as much surprise.

Tony's nervous tick got worse. ''Well, we talked about it right? Your job is done''

''Tony, my job as a friend is _never_ done. And you can use a friend right now''

''You don't need to... Jethro'' He said Gibbs' name softly.

''No, that's true'' Gibbs smiled reassuringly. ''But I _want_ to''

The ends of Tony's lips lifted a little. He nodded slowly. ''You're good at being a friend''

Gibbs smirked. ''I'm glad the one that matters, thinks so'' He replied. ''Now go on. Go to bed'' He shooed.

''You okay here?'' Tony asked looking at the couch. ''The rug—''

''Is in the stool over there'' Gibbs pointed to where the stool stood, next to the couch. ''I remember''

''Right'' Tony said, he grabbed the remote and turned off the TV screen for the time being. ''Okay. Uhm... Good night, then'' He said as he walked towards the stairs.

''Goodnight, Tony'' Gibbs said, quietly, looking after the man, as Tony went up the stairs.

Gibbs pulled off his jacket, and then his shoes and pants. He grabbed the rug out of the storage stool and laid down on the sofa's lounge part. It was surprisingly comfortable to sleep on, he was reminded. He laid the rug over his body and at the same time the lights, which he had forgotten about, suddenly dimmed all the way, until they were off.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He felt tired too and he could only imagine how exhausted Tony was. He hoped that Tony would sleep at least for a few hours.

He knew that everything they talked about, would only add to Tony's stress and so he expected a nightmare was coming. Soon. His eyes slid closed as he also felt in the same restless sleep at the younger man upstairs.

 **…**

Gibbs was shouted awake. A ear-piercing, horrified scream, that made his shudder all over, ran through the apartment. But Gibbs didn't take the time to think about it, as he threw off the rug from hos body and ran up the stairs.

He stared at Tony, as his body seemed to be pulled up, then pushed down on the bed and he was fighting with what looked like invisible attackers.

''No! Stop! Oh God, it hurts!'' Tony shouted. ''Make it stop! Stop! Help me! _Help me_!'' The last words were shouted with the same tortured scream as the one that woke Gibbs up.

He rushed to the bed, thought to pull the covers of Tony, trying to make him feel less closed in. ''Tony. Tony wake up!'' He called out. It didn't seem to help. He reached out and patted Tony on the cheek. ''Come on, wake up, Tony''

Tony flinched at the touch, and went for a punch. Gibbs saw the swing coming and grabbed Tony's wrist. ''Tony!'' He tried again, at the younger man began to struggle. Gibbs didn't quite know how, but he somehow ended up, straddling Tony on the bed, fighting the younger man.

''Let me go!'' Tony cried. ''It hurts! Please, _please_ stop!'' He fought against the hold that someone held on him.

Gibbs grunted when he was elbowed hard in his ribs. He had no doubt it would leave a bruise. '' _Fuck it_ '' He thought as he decided to use his military training to use. And with a few moves he laid Tony on his stomach and his arms behind his back. Enough to prevent Tony from any move, not not hard enough to hurt him, as long as Tony wouldn't fight.

''DiNozzo!'' He shouted in Tony's ears.

Tony's eyes flew open and as soon as he felt he was still being held he started to struggle again. ''Let me go! Let go of me!''

''DiNozzo!'' Gibbs shouted again. ''Tony, stop! I don't want to hurt you!'' At the moment he was laying half on top of Tony. ''It's me! It's Jethro! Gibbs! You have to calm down! Tony, please!''

'' _Tony, please_!''

The pleading words rang through Tony's conscious. That voice was familiar. He knew that voice. He looked around himself and saw his loft, not the dormitory. He tensed up as he felt the body on him, but then realized who it was. Gibbs.

Gibbs felt Tony stop struggling. ''That's right'' He said soothingly now. ''It's alright, Tony. Just me. Just Gibbs. It was just a dream. Not real anymore, just a dream. You're okay''

Gibbs let go of his strong hold on Tony, but he didn't let go completely. He let himself fall on the bed next to Tony.

Tony went with him without resistance. And if he didn't know better, it felt like he was held in a strong embrace instead. Like he was being hugged. Not that he really knew how that felt. Gibbs' voice was close to his ear, calming words still coming from the Marine. A hand was going up and down his arm, soothingly.

''I'm sorry'' Tony spoke up.

''Nothing to be sorry for, Tony'' Gibbs reassured him. His hand came up to stroke it through Tony's hair. He didn't know what he was doing, really. It felt like it came natural to do so. And it seemed like it was working too. ''You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for'' He stated again. ''Are you going to be sick again?''

It took a moment, but then Tony shook his head, negative.

''Are you okay now?''

This time it was a nod. Positive.

''Okay'' Gibbs felt Tony melt against him and he couldn't help the odd tingle in his stomach. ''Then try to go back to sleep''

''You're not leaving?'' Tony asked, clasping a hand on Gibbs arm.

''I'm not leaving'' Gibbs stated. Let go of Tony for a moment, and reached for the covers and pulled them over himself and Tony. He then settled back into the bed and pulled Tony back against him. ''I'll keep you safe''

He hadn't expected an reply, in fact, be thought he had only thought it, it was because of that the next words spoken shocked him.

''I know'' Tony said, before his breathing evened out again.

Gibbs was the one still lying awake and now he glanced the time at the alarm on the nightstand. It said 03:08 am. He sighed and unconsciously pulled the younger man closer to him. After everything that he had discovered tonight, now knowing the traumatic events that Tony had been through. He was so grateful for having the man here. And somehow that scared him. He cared for his team, sure. They were like family. But Tony was different. He always had been, but now he was realizing the possibly at how different his feelings for Tony were, in contrast to the rest of the team. But no, no! He was just confused now. It was the whole day and all the information. Not to forget that he was laying comfortably on the bed with the warmth of the young man against him. That was it. Nothing more...

* * *

 ** _Thoughts? Does it still makes sense to you, or is it confusion, tell me because sometimes I tend to write things in complicated ways. So tell me what you think? I love hearing from you. Especially the longer reviews, but every single one is welcome. Just be nice! :D_**

 ** _I hope to update soon!_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hi lovely readers!**_

 ** _Here it is, another chapter that you have been waiting for! at least... I think, I hope! :D Thank you for your reviews I love reading them. You are amazing!_**

 ** _Now, I won't hold you any longer! So, Enjoy and tell me what you think when you're done, please! :D_**

* * *

McGee walked into the bullpen at exactly 7:30 am, only to see that Ziva was already there, but that she was the only one as well.

''Where's Gibbs?'' He immediately asked.

''Where he usually goes when he takes vacation days'' Ziva shrugged simply.

''Gibbs? Vacation?'' McGee almost choked on the words themselves. ''What about the case?''

Before Ziva could answer there was another female voice. ''Your team still has the case, Special Agent McGee''

McGee turned around to see Director Shepard standing by Tony's desk. ''But Gibbs and Tony are both out''

''I am well aware of that'' Jenny said. ''But I was read in by Officer David yesterday, by Gibbs' request and I trust that you and Officer David are capable to work this case by yourself with the help of Ms. Scuito of course''

McGee gaped for a moment. ''Gibbs wants us to work the case? Alone?'' He asked disbelievingly. He turned to Ziva. ''And you knew about this?''

Ziva raised an calm eyebrow. ''Gibbs has mentioned it before he left, yesterday''

''Gibbs requested that Ziva is in the lead and I agree with him'' Jenny confirmed.

McGee stared at the two women, before composing himself again and nodding. ''Okay''

''Gibbs also said that if there are emergencies, you can call him and he will listen, but will decide after hearing, if he needs to come to the office or not. Is all this understood?'' Jenny said firmly.

''Yes, Ma— uh, I mean Yes, Director'' McGee corrected.

Jenny gave him a nod and turned to Ziva, who also gave a nod of understanding, which she returned. ''Alright, read me in if you have something'' With that she turned and when back up stairs.

''What's this all about?'' McGee asked Ziva as soon as Jenny disappeared into her office.

''What does it matter, Tim?'' Ziva returned. ''Tony is sick. And Gibbs decided to go on a trip and they trust us to work this case''

''Right'' McGee said unconvincingly. ''And you don't find that suspicious?''

''Suspicious or not, it's none of our business'' Ziva stated. She trusted Gibbs and Tony that if there was something they needed to know, they would know. ''This is their _personal life_ and not a _case_ that we need to solve. And we do have a case that we need to work on, so let's solve that one. I need you to look in the back statements for me, I'll be visiting Abby, see if she has something'' That said, she walked towards the elevators, leaving McGee to do what she needed him to do.

 **...**

Tony could feel the warmth on his face, from the sun shining in, through the skylight window. That was weird, he wasn't used to sleeping long enough to wake up with the sun shining. But there was another warmth that he felt. It was then that he realized it was the warmth of a body pressed to his back and a arm securely around is middle. Tony stiffened at once.

Gibbs was awake and had felt Tony wake up, the moment he did. His first thought was to pull back, but than he changed his mind and wondered what Tony would do. A moment later, he felt Tony stiffen against him and the younger man went stock still. He would've thought that Tony was comfortable to be in a man's arms. ...shouldn't it be Gibbs himself that should be uncomfortable? Gibbs controlled his breathing, not knowing if Tony knew he was awake as well.

Tony swallowed and listened, trying to figure out if Gibbs was awake. His breathing was even, as that of a sleeping person would. But something was different, then Gibbs' normal breathing. The pauses between inhaling and exhaling were _longer_ , than normal. Thinking about that now, it was an odd fact to know, but he did.

There were a couple of more minutes spend in silence as Gibbs slowly felt Tony relax again.

''What time is it?'' Tony spoke up.

Gibbs lifted his head off the pillow and looked at the alarm, before laying it back down. ''Just over 9 am'' He replied.

Tony huffed out a breath. ''I slept for almost 6 hours without any disturbance'' He said in disbelieve.

''I see you're skill to tell time isn't gone''

Tony snorted, but then thought of something. ''Wait? If it's 9am, then why are you still... well... You know... in bed?''

''Don't have a boat to work on here'' Gibbs simply replied. ''And I don't know how that coffee maker of yours works''

''W-well then'' Tony grew awkward then, realizing that Gibbs was still embracing him for some reason. ''I'll go make coffee'' He pulled away from Gibbs and the older man let him go without a fight. He stood up and stretched out his body and cracked. He didn't look back at Gibbs once and just went to make coffee.

He was halfway down the stairs, when he heard Gibbs say his name. He turned to see Gibbs leaning over the railing, staring down at him.

''Can I hop in the shower and burrow some clothes?''

Tony grinned. ''Yes. And are you sure you can handle that? You know there's a designer tag in it somewhere right?''

Gibbs rolled his eyes. ''I think I can handle it''

''Then be my guest and pick whatever you want to where. Just make sure it matches''

''Yes, boss'' Gibbs said, mocking, then walking away.

Tony just grinned after him, before shaking his head and walking down. For the first time in a long time he felt rested. Maybe the 6 hours of interrupted, non dreaming, sleep had something to do with that. And maybe, Tony smiled at the reminder, Gibbs had something to do with _that_.

The smiled faded slowly from his face. He was feeling cautious all of the sudden. Gibbs had laid with him in his bed. He had hold him, probably the rest of the whole night. And Tony hadn't had a nightmare through it all. Yes, maybe that was a good thing, but at the same time, Tony felt nervous now.

Gibbs had gotten close, not only physically, but emotionally as well. Tony let him sleep there. He just let him. And he let Gibbs hold him. Tony had never done that, not even with Jimmy. No matter how many times Tony and Jimmy had been... well, intimate... not once had they ended up touching each other afterwards, let alone, _cuddling_.

Tony shook his head. He screwed up. He knew that he was letting Gibbs in. Gibbs was his friend right? A good one, and this was what friends did, right? They helped each other. But he couldn't help but regret letting Gibbs sleep like that in the same bed with him. He regretted that he felt so good, so natural.

Tony swallowed and shook his head again. He needed coffee.

 **…**

Ten minutes later, Gibbs was just putting on a deep blue gray-ish button up shirt, that matched his eyes and black slacks. He was surprised that Tony's clothes fitted him so good, as Tony didn't really have the same body build. He looked in the mirror that hung on the closet door and couldn't help but admit that the clothes didn't look all that bad on him.

He rolled up the sleeves a little bit and nodded. Okay this wasn't all that bad. Why was he even bothering so much? '' _because you want to prove that you are capable to seeing what matches and what not_ '' Why though? '' _Why indeed_ ''

Gibbs now rolled his eyes. He was talking to himself in his mind again. Never a good sign. He closed the closet door, turned around and walked down the stairs.

Tony had heard it when Gibbs came down the stairs. He poured coffee into the cup and turned around just as Gibbs came into the kitchen. ''Here! Drink it while it's still—'' He stopped mid sentence as his eyes fell on his boss. Involuntarily his eyes wandered slowly down and up again. ''...hot'' He finished, his eyes meeting Gibbs'.

Then Tony realized where he was and cleared his throat awkwardly, averting his eyes. ''Here'' He handed the coffee over to Gibbs and turned around, to pour himself one too.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow at Tony's behavior and one end of his mouth lifted up a little, into that trade mark smirk. ''Do I pass?'' He couldn't help but ask.

''What?'' Tony asked as if pulled from thoughts, and glanced at Gibbs.

''The clothes, Tony'' Gibbs elaborated.

''Oh, yeah. They are fine'' Tony agreed, simply and walked passed him to go sit down in the living room.

Gibbs chuckled quietly and followed him. Tony was acting a little off, but Gibbs didn't think it had anything to do with his nightmares or the reason he was here at all. He also hadn't missed the obvious check out, he had gotten from the younger man. Was Tony like this because of Gibbs wearing his clothes or had he done that before?

'' _Again, why was are you even thinking about this_?'' Gibbs asked himself. He sat down next to Tony, who was leaning back against the backrest of his couch, eyes closed and coffee in his hand on his leg.

''This is seriously the best morning I have in months'' Tony spoke up.

''That's good'' Gibbs replied.

''I feel so rested'' Tony continued. ''But on the other side I still feel exhausted and know that if I go back to sleep I think I could sleep for days still''

''You got a lot of sleep to catch up to'' Gibbs nodded.

Tony just hummed his agreement.

Gibbs took a long sip of his coffee and then sighed. ''I know you probably will not like what I'm about to ask you, but I need to Tony''

The change Gibbs' voice made Tony blink his eyes open and turned his head to look at Gibbs without lifting it from the back rest. Gibbs' eyes had turned serious and a little regretful. ''What?''

''What do you want to do about what we think happened to you at that school?''

Tony groaned and pushed off the back rest to lean forward instead. ''I don't know''

Gibbs was silent for a moment too. He was thinking and then thinking it over again. Eventually he spoke up again.

''Let me ask this differently'' He said, slowly. ''If I said to you... that a young man came into the bullpen, asking to speak to us. We do this and he comes with a story about him having lost short to a longer pieces of his memory a long time ago, and now he's dreaming— or rather having _nightmares_ of himself being chased and being beaten and probably tortured, and he thinks that it might has to do with the loss of periods of time during his high school years. He shows us his back, chest and stomach that are all completely covered in scars, old welt and burn marks. And next to that he says that he doesn't think that this is just a matter of ''repressed memories'' but says that he feels in his gut that he might have been drugged for the periods every time he had a... encounter''

Gibbs paused and searched for Tony's eyes. Because of the pause Tony looked up slowly and met Gibbs' eyes

''What would you do? Gibbs asked Tony.

Tony looked away and frowned hard, thinking. ''If I felt like something wasn't right... I would ask further. I- I would ask Ducky for his opinion. Is it possible, is there a drug that can do that?'' He took a shaky breath. ''If I felt like I believe the man, then I would look into the school. Is it possible something really happened to the man, there? If so, then was it only him... or were there others? _Are_ there others and is it still happening?''

''That's a good way to go'' Gibbs agreed. ''Following your gut is always good. And it can't hurt to look into things, right? Even if you _do_ doubt a little''

''I don't know if I'm ready to open something like this, Gibbs'' Tony admitted.

''I understand that, but like you said, I believe the person who says to me that something really bad happened on that school and he was drugged and tortured, then I do need to think of the big possibility that he is not the only one that went through this'' Gibbs told him. ''And we wouldn't let the unknown victims wait to recall their trauma's like you did, only to discover that is might be still happening''

Tony nodded. ''You think it might be still happening?''

''If the person behind it all is still out there then yes''

Tony grimaced. ''Fuck. I hadn't thought of that''

''So. Again, what is it that you want to do?''

''What I don't want is McGee and Ziva to know we do this case because of me'' Tony made a face. ''Or more importantly, I don't want Abby to know''

Gibbs gave Tony a puzzled look. He and Abby got along fine. Though they never hung out outside of work to his knowledge, they were good friends at work, and Tony knew he could trust her.

Tony smiled as he knew what Gibbs was thinking. ''I know, she's great. But I know she won't be able to control her curiosity and will go snoop into things on her own. And I don't want her to find out some things I already know, or rather, things I don't know about and will only regret knowing''

Gibbs nodded. ''You realize that we need to tell them something and that chances are they will have to know at some point''

''Yeah, but...'' Tony trailed off. ''Fuck'' He swore quietly. He really wasn't ready for them to know.

''Do you have a laptop?'' Gibbs suddenly asked.

Tony frowned, not sure why Gibbs asked that. ''Sure, Don't really use it much. You know I am not all that good with computers''

''Do you think you trust Palmer enough to tell him this?'' Gibbs asked, slowly. ''You told me. Jimmy can't be worse''

Tony thought about this. ''What does telling Jimmy have to do with you asking if I have a laptop?''

''Palmer knows his way around a computer'' Gibbs explained. ''I have seen him work with one and the computer down in autopsy enough times that I know he might be able to help with some of this. He's not as good as McGee and maybe can't hack into any system, but we don't need that in the beginning''

''And Ducky?'' Tony asked after a moment of silence.

''I think you know him well enough to know that he knows more about you than you would think or like'' Gibbs replied. ''You know he will not mention anything, unless you want to talk. And like you said, he can probably give you his thoughts about... this case''

Tony nodded. What Gibbs suggested made sense. ''So you mean, to ask Jimmy if he can help with this _case_ ''

''Uh-huh'' Gibbs confirmed.

Tony thought it over again, weighing down his option on the matter. He sighed resignedly. ''Alright''

''You want to do this?'' Gibbs asked to be sure that Tony was sure.

''Yes'' Tony replied confidently, but Gibbs could still see that the other man was nervous. ''It won't be easy for me, I know that. But I can't let this go until I have something to... to''

''To put this in the past where it belongs and should've been '' Gibbs finished for him.

''Yeah''

Tony startled at the sudden touch he felt. He looked down and saw Gibbs' hand firmly on his knee. He looked up, to meet the mans eyes.

''You're not alone in this, Tony. I got your six''

Tony swallowed hard and could only nod his understanding.

''Good'' Gibbs said, giving Tony's knee another squeeze of reassurance, before letting go. ''Now, what do we do for the rest of the day?''

Tony looked surprised at Gibbs.

Gibbs smirked. ''If you want to keep Jimmy and Ducky's involvement quiet you can hardly pull them out in the middle of the day while they are working an official case''

Tony grinned. A day with Gibbs? Oh he knew something he could do! He knew a couple of things, actually... but he thought that more movies was a good start. It kept his mind of those other things, anyway

 **…**

Jimmy was a little nervous. He stood in front of Tony's apartment door, because Tony had invited him and Ducky over for dinner tonight. Tony had said he needed to discus something with him and the older Doctor. Jimmy knew it had everything to do with Tony's latest worrisome behavior and was glad that Tony felt that he now felt like he could trust him with personal things.

He took a deep breath and pulled his hand up to knock on the door.

A moment later the door opened and he was greeted with a grinning Tony. It shocked him to no end. The last time he saw that grin —the not fake one— it had been close to two months. And now here it was.

''Jim, my man!'' Tony exclaimed cheerfully. ''Come in! Come in!'' He stepped aside to let Jimmy into his home.

''Tony'' Jimmy raised an amused eyebrow at the other man, walking inside. ''You look better then yesterday''

Tony closed the door behind them. ''I slept well for a change''

Jimmy's eyebrows raised now surprised. ''You did?''

Realizing what he had said and that Jimmy was looking at him curiously Tony cleared his throat. ''Gibbs and Ducky are in the kitchen''

Tony went to walk to it, but when he noticed that Palmer wasn't following he turned around again. ''What?''

Palmer gave Tony a knowing look and let out a smirk, that he only did with close friends. ''Nothing'' Without saying anything more he walked towards the kitchen.

Tony looked after him and then groaned as he knew that Palmer knew something had happened, even though that technically it hadn't really. With a sigh he went to join the other men.

* * *

 _ **Well? Your thoughts? tell me, please, I love hearing your oppinions on the chapter and what you think, is what to come!**_

 _ **I'll try and update soon again! :D**_

 _ **Leonie**_


	7. Chapter 7

**_Hi Lovely fanfic readers!_**

 ** _Next to the fact that I wanted to thank of the new people that are now following this story and especially thanking those who reviewed, (You truly are the best!) I have nothing left to say only that I hope you enjoy this chapter as you did the previous ones!_**

 ** _(PS, And sorry for any typo's/grammar mistakes! You know my problems!)_**

 ** _Enjoy! :)_**

* * *

Ducky looked after Tony as the young men went to open the door. He then turned to Gibbs, who was doing the same thing, but while leaning against the counter with a fresh cup of coffee in his hand.

''He does seem to be a bit better already'' Ducky commented. Gibbs made a agreeing noise, while he took a see sip from his coffee. It made Ducky looked at him curiously. ''I wonder what it is that changed?''

''He talked about it'' Gibbs told him. ''That must have been a huge weight being lifted off his shoulders'' He paused. ''It was a huge step, but we're not even close to the beginning''

''I assume that asking Mr. Palmer and me over was not just a social visit then''

''Never assume'' Gibbs reminded the old man, he then sighed. ''But you are right. It's a mess, Duck''

Tony came back in and soon after Palmer too. ''We're complete now''

Palmer walked up to the counter and placed his shoulder bag on the counter.

''I forgot to ask you, An— Tony'' Ducky spoke up. ''How are you now?''

Tony needed to resist the urge to say, 'I'm fine' and instead said, ''Better already, Ducky''

''That's great to hear!'' Ducky said sincerely. ''I would like to check for myself today, but it can wait until you've told me why you have invited Mr. Palmer and myself to your home tonight''

''First of all, Ducky'' Tony began, as he looked at Ducky guiltily. ''I want to apologize for snapping at you yesterday. I was stressed and tired and I didn't want to admit things. Most of all to myself and when you called me by my full name, it was just too much and I...'' He trailed off.

''Apology accepted, my dear boy'' Ducky said with a warm smile. ''I should have realized sooner that it was bothering and should've chosen to call you Tony instead''

Tony smiled back.

''Now, then'' Ducky said changing the subject. ''Tell Mr. Palmer and I what we can help you with''

Tony looked at the man surprised. ''How'd you know that I needed your help?''

''I am no fool, young man'' Ducky wagged a finger at him.

Tony grinned sheepishly. ''True'' He agreed. ''I think it would be better if we sit for this. Would you like some tea? I have tea. And Jimmy you want coffee with milk, right? I'll get it. Gibbs, will you set them on the dinner table? Thanks!'' He rambled, his nervousness obvious and clear as day. He turned around to get another cup for palmer and began to pour the hot drinks for the other man.

''Okay Tony'' Gibbs nodded. ''Come, and Palmer take your laptop with you''

The three man went back to the living room and sat down at the dinner table, Tony following a moment later with two cups of coffee and a tea for them. Running back for his own drink, which was surprisingly just a bottle of water.

The sat there for a few moments, silently sipping their drinks. Tony was reluctant to start talking again and was nervously running his fingers over his trousers.

''Tony?'' Palmer spoke up, who was sitting next to him. His voice broke through the silence as he reached out to grab one of Tony's hands and squeezed it. ''You can trust us. Just take your time''

Tony let his eyes meet that of the assistant and then that of the Medical Examiner. He sighed and took a deep breath. He was mentally slapping himself on the back of his head. '' _Just talk already_!'' He knew that he could trust them. He knew that! But it wasn't only that. Most of all he was reluctant to tell the whole story _all over again_. He had just done that, why did he have to do it again!? It wasn't fair!

He groaned when he realized that in his head he sounded like a little kid that didn't get what it wanted.

Gibbs was watching the younger man closely and he saw the struggle that was going on in his head. Gibbs had frowned thoughtfully when surprisingly Palmer was the one to be the first to reassure Tony. And the looks they shared, before Tony looked at Ducky.

Tony finally let his eyes met those of Gibbs. He didn't even know how Gibbs knew, but the older man spoke up then.

''Do you two both know Rhode Island Military school?'' Gibbs asked.

''I do'' Ducky answered calmly.

''I've heard of it'' Palmer said.

''Are you both familiar with their rules, goals and objectives?'' Gibbs then asked.

While Palmer silently shook his head in negative Ducky replied, ''I believe that they have a really strict guidelines and they are very steadfast in their rules and punishments'' He paused and thought for a moment. ''There is not much else known about the details and specific conditions as they keep it hush-hush in order to keep the information of the students confidential, as they are mostly troubled adolescents''

Tony grumbled something that none of the other man could hear, but they knew, by the look on his face that it wasn't anything pleasant.

''The reason why you are here, is because we— Tony and I, believe that Tony...'' Gibbs trailed off and met Tony's eyes, who were almost begging for him to get it out already. Gibbs took a deep breath and looked at Ducky and Palmer. ''That Tony was abused there. By students''

The gasp of Palmer was far more audible, but that of Ducky was definitely there also, as they both were shocked by the information.

''Tony... I knew you went to that school'' Ducky began. ''But I could never understand why...''

''He wasn't a troubled kid, Ducky'' Gibbs interrupted quickly. ''He wasn't there because he was troubled, he was there because his dad was too damn lazy to take care of him''

''Gibbs!'' Tony scowled.

''What? It's true!''

Tony snapped his mouth shut, knowing that Gibbs was right in some way. Though, Gibbs didn't know the whole story, but that was a story for another time.

''So there is what the scars came from?'' Jimmy asked surprisingly.

Tony's head snapped towards him. His mouth opening and closing a couple of times, before answering. ''Yes''

''You have seen the scars, Mr. Palmer?'' Ducky asked.

Palmer nodded slowly, a bit unsure now.

''It's okay, Jim'' Tony said. He turned to the other two. ''Jimmy saw the scars on one of the movie nights we had'' He explained simply.

Something in the way that Tony casually said that, made Gibbs doubt that it was as simple as that, but he didn't comment.

''So, that's what the nightmares are about? About how you got them?'' Palmer asked tentatively.

Tony silently answered that with a nod. ''I- I didn't know that they were memories at first...'' He began to explain nervously. ''I didn't even know how I got the, uhm... scars, in the first place either...'' He trailed off and tried to find Gibbs' eyes again.

''Aah. So your memories of that time only recently returned to you'' Ducky said understandably. ''That is quite the explanation as to why your mind and body reacted the way they did''

Jimmy nodded in agreement with the doctor, but saw Tony and Gibbs exchanging looks. ''What?'' He asked.

Tony gave a nod of permission and Gibbs spoke. ''This is where it becomes complicated. We don't think that Tony just _suppressed_ those memories. We think...'' He paused to take a breath. ''We think that Tony might have been drugged for a longer period of time and that is the cause of him loosing his memories''

Jimmy and Ducky both looked at Tony again, but the younger man's gaze was downward now again.

''Is there such a drug?'' Gibbs asked.

The question brought Ducky's attention back to Gibbs and thought about it. ''There is. Several, in fact'' He answered. ''If I think about my years in my work and my years of learning, the drugs that first comes to my mind are, Rohynol, Ketamine—''

''Date rape drugs'' Tony interrupted him, his tone empty from emotion. ''I wasn't raped'' He said, before anyone could ask.

''I wasn't suggesting that you were, my boy'' Ducky reassured him.

''Yeah'' Palmer said, and he explained further when he got their attention. ''It's because those drugs are most used in rape crimes, that the majority of the people forget that it is easily used in other crimes as well. In any crime where the... offender wants his victims to forget it happened or just to confuse or even torture. It depends on the crime. There are several side effects on all those drugs. They can even be addictive and the withdrawal symptoms can be torturous by themselves''

Tony didn't comment, but Gibbs could see him deflate a little in relieve. ''The only problem is, that this happened years ago'' Gibbs said. ''There is no way we can discover or proof that Tony was actually drugged with any of those drugs''

''That's why we are here, aren't we?'' Palmer asked, suddenly realizing. ''You knew that if Tony was drugged, there is no way to be sure or to proof it. All we can do is see if Tony was the only one –Which seems very unlikely, looking at where it happened– and if it is still happening now''

''Smart guy!'' Tony grinned, fondly at Jimmy, enjoying the blush that crept on his friends face. ''Yes, Jimmy, that's why you are here''

''But why ask us, Jethro?'' Ducky asked. ''I'm sure Ziva and Timothy would be far better in investigating this''

''We don't doubt that, Duck'' Gibbs replied. ''But this is a personal matter and not a official case...'' _yet_ He thought and paused, glancing at Tony. ''And it will be Tony's decision when or if we involve the others or not''

''So what exactly do you want me to do?'' Palmer asked.

''You're good with computer'' Tony answered. ''Not as good as McGee, but we don't need you to. At least you can find their website or something like that'' He smirked, a little. ''And you won't slam the computer because it takes too long'' He was unaffected by Gibbs' mocking glare.

Jimmy laughed a little.

Gibbs spoke up. ''First we need to know if the headmaster, Tony had in the years... this happened, is still active'' He said. ''Then we need to find out if there are other people from Tony's age, have the same problems or same scars that Tony has''

Jimmy opened his bag and pulled out the laptop he had brought. He opened it and pressed the start button.

''What do you need me to do, Jethro?'' Ducky asked.

''We need your knowledge on people'' Gibbs answered. ''And check Tony over for me again''

''Gibbs!'' Tony groaned. ''That's really not necessary!''

''He can check out the scars, Tony'' Gibbs said gently, facing Tony. ''So we can determine which... methods they used''

''I know which methods they used, as I see it when I sleep, remember?'' Tony replied harshly. So harshly in fact that he noticed a flinch from the other man. His eyes softened, regretfully.

Gibbs saw Tony's eyes and knew that Tony would blame himself again for his harsh words. ''Not your fault, Tony. _Nothing_ is your fault with this, understood?''

'' _It must be. I ended up in that place for **some** reason, didn't I_?'' Tony thought, tough he nodded in understanding towards Gibbs.

They went to work, beginning with silence, only speaking when it was necessary, Palmer answering the questions they were looking for. First it was the Headmaster, who Tony remembered was named. Robert Haggis.

With a simple Google search they discovered that the man had retired 3 years ago. Surprisingly, his job was taken over by his nephew, Gary Haggis, who was, coincidently, 2 years older than Tony and went to the same school. Tony remembered him from his nightmares. Remembered that Gary had always been a bully. Maybe even somewhat of a leader. He didn't know that Gary had been family of, though. He should've, because the surnames were the same, but he didn't think anything of it at that time. He had other things on his mind.

To stall some time, Tony walked up the stairs and a moment later came back, holding a big book that Gibbs recognized as the year book that Tony had shown him before to let him see who Scarlett Miller was.

Tony leafed through the book and could point out 2 more faces he recognized from the people that appeared in his nightmares. But then just sat there watching Palmer and Gibbs working.

Ducky decided to push Tony a little. ''Where do you want me to check you over, Tony?'' Duck said gently.

Tony sighed, knowing he wouldn't get out of this. ''On the couch is fine'' He said as he stood up and walking into the living area. Ducky followed him with his suit case.

Gibbs looked up briefly, looking after them with a badly masked look on his face.

 **...**

Tony sat down on the couch, while Ducky sat his suitcase on the coffee-table and opening it. ''I will see how you are first, my boy. Shirt off'' He ordered calmly.

Sighing again, Tony obeyed without protest. He let Ducky do his routine tests. Listening to his heart and lungs. Checking his eyes, muscle reflexes and blood pressure. After that was done, Tony looked expectingly at the doctor.

''Hmm'' Ducky hummed and looked at him.

''What?'' Tony asked.

''Well, you're still obviously tired and your blood pressure is still high, but not as much as yesterday. It seems that the sleep you have had has done some damage control already'' Ducky explained. ''Although I would advise you to not think that you're in the clear. You are _not_. And you need much more rest, my boy''

''Yes, yes'' Tony agreed dismissively. ''Can you go on with your other task?''

''Certainly. Go lie on your stomach, I will do your back first''

Tony did as he was told and laid stretched on the couch. Ducky noted that his whole body was tense. There wasn't a muscle that was relaxed. Ducky mentally switched to his examiner side and grabbed a notebook and pencil out of his suitcase. He laid them on the coffee table and moved closer to Tony's body.

Ducky worked silence, only the quiet sound of Gibbs and Jimmy talked to each other could be heard. He looked intently at each scar separately, sometimes touching them, and feeling Tony tense up more in the progress, before writing something down on the note book. After 20 minutes he asked Tony to turn around on his back, to which the younger man groaned about in discomfort, but again did as he was asked, covering his eyes with his arm.

Tony didn't like this one bit. But he wanted to solve this... case. He just wanted to know. Was he the only one? Was there a reason? Were there more just like him? And if this helped the speed of the puzzle solving it was worth it. He kept reminding himself. ''You trust Ducky. Relax, Tony. You trust him''

But every time the Doctor touched him, he tensed up more, before relaxing a bit when the touch left again. It felt like hours before Ducky was done, but Tony sighed in relief when Ducky said it was done.

''Alright, Tony. All done'' Ducky said. He handed Tony his shirt.

''Thanks'' Tony said quietly.

''Can I get you something, my boy?'' Ducky's voice was one of what Tony would think a grandfather would sound like.

''I can get something to drink in my own house, Duck'' Tony went to stand up, but he felt surprisingly drained. Also, Ducky stopped him and pushed him back down on the couch. ''And you don't know where to find everything''

''I am perfectly capable to find my way in your kitchen. You stay on that couch. It's a hot chocolate for you and then up to bed!''

Tony tried to glare at the man. ''Ducky!'' He scowled at him.

''Don't protest, Tony''

Tony turned around on the couch to see the source of the voice. Gibbs and Jimmy were walking to them

''It's easier to let Ducky boss you around, because he's resistant to any sort of glares. I speak from experience'' Gibbs smirked a little.

''Indeed you do, Jethro'' Ducky smirked at the agent. ''4 hot chocolates it is''

''Coffee for me'' Gibbs corrected.

''Oh no, Jethro. I will not give you coffee at this hour of the evening''

''Ducky!'' Gibbs sounded exactly like Tony did, just moments before.

So this time Tony smirked and said, ''Don't protest, Gibbs. It's easier to let Ducky boss you arou— Ow!''

He was interrupted by a gently head-slap.

Ducky chuckled and went towards the kitchen, while Gibbs sat down next to Tony, grumbling under his breath.

Palmer, who had been silently been listening and watching the exchange, sat down on the other side of Tony, bringing the younger agent's attention to him. ''So... you done?''

''Yes'' Palmer said. ''We found some information on Haggis, as he's the headmaster so there's quite a lot to find on the Internet. The other two, though, not so much. They _are_ on the Internet, like Facebook, but everything is set to ''Private'' so we can't see much unless we gain access through a NCIS computer''

''Tell me what you _do_ have?'' Tony asked.

''Not tonight, Tony'' Gibbs stated. ''It's late. It can wait until tomorrow''

''But—'' Tony wanted to protest, but quited at the gentle shake of Gibbs head. He sighed. ''Fine''

Ducky came back with the hot chocolate and they drank it mostly in silence. When all of them were finished, Ducky and Palmer announced their leave and asked if they should return tomorrow.

''I will call you for the time'' Gibbs said to them and both man nodded and went home.

That left Tony with Gibbs alone, again.

''You heard Ducky, Tony'' Gibbs stated. ''Go to bed''

''I hated Ducky doing that'' Tony mumbled. ''I reacted so childishly''

Gibbs sighed and reached out to squeeze Tony's shoulder, noticing Tony tensing now too. ''It's not childish Tony. It's natural and it will lessen or go away completely with time. Letting Ducky do that will help. And he doesn't need to do it again, he has the information he needs'' He felt Tony relaxed slightly at his words.

Tony nodded. ''Right''

''So, again, go to bed'' Gibbs repeated the order.

''Okay'' Tony agreed and stood up. ''You oka—''

''I can handle it here'' Gibbs interrupted, smirking. ''Goodnight''

''Night'' Tony replied with a yawn and went upstairs.

He changed into his pajama's and settled into his bed. He turned off the light and listened to Gibbs moving around downstairs. A moment later the lights downstairs went out too. He sighed and closed his eyes.

 **…**

Gibbs had his eyes open in the darkness and he listened as once again the sound of Tony turning restlessly onto his other side filled the apartment. It was like this for the last half hour. Just when he thought that the other agent had falling asleep, he heard Tony mumble in what he thought was a whisper and turn around.

Apparently the younger man had trouble settling into a calm mind or something like this.

''Tony!'' He called out.

A sudden silence, then, ''Yeah?''

''What's wrong?''

''Nothin'''

''Than why aren't you trying to sleep?''

''I am!''

 **…**

Tony's denial was met with silence. He listened for Gibbs reply but he didn't any. Then He yelped with a start as the light from his loft were turned on. He sat up and found Gibbs standing at the top of the stairs.

''You afraid you'll have another nightmare?'' Gibbs asked, with a knowing, raised eyebrow.

''N-no!'' Tony lied.

Gibbs sighed and turned off the lights.

''Gibbs?'' Tony asked confused. He heard nothing so he laid back down. A moment later he was shocked to hear and feel his covers moving. ''W-what are you doing?'' He stammered, shocked with the realization that Gibbs hadn't went back down, but had walked over to his bed and was now _climbing into_ his bed!

''Scooch'' Gibbs simply ordered. Not knowing what else to do, Tony did just that.

Gibbs climbed under the covers. He turned to his side and pushed Tony to do the same. Tony rolled around so that his back was facing Gibbs, still shocked. He suppressed another yelp as Gibbs' arm came around his waist and he was pulled against the other man's body.

''What are you doing?'' Tony asked again.

''It's okay'' Gibbs whispered. ''Just sleep, Tony''

Tony suppressed a shiver as he felt Gibbs' breath on his neck. Not only that, but Gibbs had begun rubbing his hand over Tony's t-shirt-covered stomach. Surprisingly though, Tony felt himself relax far too fast and felt himself become heavy with sleep. He fought to stay awake and to ask again what Gibbs was doing, but he found himself incapable of doing both.

It was only a couple of minutes later that Gibbs heard and felt Tony's breathing even out and he knew that Tony had fallen asleep. Gibbs let out a sigh, but didn't stop his hand from moving. He really didn't know why he had, impulsively climbed into Tony's bed again, but it seemed that his instinct hadn't let him down.

The speed in which Tony relaxed and had fallen asleep, let him believe that he was right in knowing what Tony's problem was, and that he had done the right thing. Gibbs completely ignored the warm feeling and his inner voice mumbling something he didn't quite catch, as he slowly drifted off to sleep as well.

* * *

 _ **Ha! Cuddling again! :D**_

 _ **So Ducky and Palmer are in the ''know''. If you're asking yourself why Ducky had to examine the scars, then I answer with, that he had determine how old they are, and possibly know how much time there was between them. Though so many years ago, that will be hard, or even impossible. But yeah.**_

 _ **In next chapters I hope I will put some more Palmer/Tony conversation into it. I want to, I have fun writing those! whaha.**_

 _ **Though I ask you for your oppinion on something also. Here it goes, I plan to put some word time of Ziva, McGee and Abby into this story, but I am, next to the fact that Ziva will be great in this fic, still undecided what to with McGee or Abby! So give me your oppinions on it! What do you think will be good for this fic? A little drama can't hurt, though, after all NCIS is also a Drama series! XD  
**_

 ** _Please leave a review, I love reading those! just be nice!_**

 ** _Update soon, Leonie!_**


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